Wednesday, August 27, 2008 by Dana.

I completely agree with the famous Ben Franklin quote… “Fish and visitors stink after three days.”  Apparently, stinking visitors can drive a man crazy, especially if they are in-laws.  Check out this story that appeared in The Arizona Republic today.

Poor Carlos Salazar (a “neighbor” in nearby Chandler, AZ) just wanted his in-laws to go home!  He probably wanted to sit on his couch in his boxer shorts and drink a beer, but the fridge had likely been emptied by his chain-smoking, beer-guzzling monster-in-law.  The sad part of the story was that he was arrested for cutting up his wife’s cheapa$$ bra.  It was probably already frayed, stained, and stinky anyway!  The story is funny and sad at the same time… if you add some gratuitous blood spurting and gore, you would have a scene from a Quentin Tarantino movie.

This is the kind of craziness that happens in Disturbia.  What’s next?  Getting arrested for $3.99 worth of criminal damaging for throwing a dish against the wall in anger over your wife maxing out the credit card for her pedicure?   What about getting hauled away for wiping your backside with the $72 autographed Brandon Webb baseball that your husband just bought instead of paying the utility bill?

Wouldn’t it make sense to fight real crime?  Let’s not arrest people for arguing until they start hitting each other!  And most important… if you are a visitor, you better mind your manners after 3 days… and don’t drink all your hosts’ booze!

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Tuesday, August 26, 2008 by karen.

Our 11yr old, as previously mentioned, is a guitar player.  He has received guitar lessons for about 6yrs.  He continues on learning different songs and unless he practices consistently, he forgets them.  This leads to frustration for parents, his teacher, and himself.  Our 11yr old is also pretty good at playing the drums by ear.  He prefers to make up his own music using both the drums and guitar.  Surprisingly, he is really good at it.  While many parents may regret purchasing musical instruments, especially drums, for their children, I thoroughly enjoy listening to him beat around on them.  He can hold a beat that sounds good and then switches to the guitar. 

Today he has a lesson, and I like to have some input for the songs he learns.  As an 11yr old, sometimes he asks his teacher instruct to him on a not song that we don’t feel is appropriate for him.  I am trying to widen his horizons with some Country music.  Last week, he learned Kid Rock’s newer song which is a take on Sweet Home Alabama.  Since we are moving towards more Country-Rock music, I am going to suggest All My Rowdy Friends by Hank Williams, JR.  I think he will like it.

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Sunday, August 24, 2008 by karen.

I have been referred to as a MILF for quite sometime now.  While I am always flattered as any person usually is when complimented, sometimes I am annoyed. Does it reduce respect for me as a mom? Am I not considered a ‘good’ mom because of my appearance or lifestyle choices?

The term may have been around for much longer (was it used in The Graduate?), but for my generation it rose to fame from the actress Jennifer Coolidge in the 1999 movie American Pie.  “Stifler’s mom”  quickly became a metaphor for MILF.  Attractive mom’s began hearing this word.  How do you explain the meaning without offending them?  And let’s face it, MILF can be extremely offensive.   Stifler’s mom wasn’t seen as much in the movie as the main characters, but her presence was outstanding and very integral to the movie. In my opinion, she portrayed the modern MILF to a T.

I am 2007 98 KUPD’s MILF winner.   I am not sure if I deserved to be a MILF.  Shouldn’t a MILF be older than 32?   I have a teenager who understands the term and a pre-teen who definitely understands.  I have overheard their friends, commenting on my looks.  Though, I have not heard any of them use the acronym MILF  (probably for fear of getting into trouble).  Unlike Stifler’s mom, I don’t have boy’s old enough or having sex. 

While ‘competing’ for the title of MILF for the radio station, I encountered mom’s of babies and toddlers who were younger than I.  I argued in my head if they are old enough to be MILF’s.  Obviously, they are mothers, attractive, and are desired by many BUT,  their children weren’t old enough to even know how lucky they are to have these women as their mothers.  I decided that these women, while different, expressed a certain personality trait to be a MILF (more than just good looks).  They have confidence, which is defined in several ways.  I like this one:   belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.   The contest can be extremely intimidating for a woman who has the battlewounds from pregnancy.  Our hips have widened, stomachs may not have bounced back, our butts are softer, breasts have gotten saggy (or bigger), stretch marks, veins and for some a C-section scar which they feel must be covered/hidden.  Some of us there have had some ‘work’ done to hide some of the battlewounds or fix them.   We all had our reasons, but no one did it to be a MILF. 

This weekend, many of the contestants were asked to promote a MILF calendar at a local casino.  I hesitated to go when I woke up Saturday even though I committed a month before.  I was nervous.  Again, intimidated by these other MILF’s who were newer/younger mother’s than I.  I questioned if I was too old to be doing something like this.  I thought I would be the oldest one there at 32yrs old.  I was aware of 1 MILF who was close to my age, but not sure how close.    I procrastinated getting there hoping something with the kids would come up so I would be forced to cancel.  I even started my youngest on a spelling review expecting him to get upset and make Dana get upset so I would ’have’ to stay home to do it myself.  It obviously didn’t work and he continued to do more school work by choice.  

 I arrived almost 2 hours later than when we were wanted to be there.  I felt pretty good about my appearance.  I have been working out again and watching my diet more closely.  But again, these other MILF’s are models.  Many are pursuing modeling and/or acting, discussing the photographers and agencies they use and appear to be accustomed to working events like this.   I am walking to the entrance of the casino not really knowing what to expect.  All I was told was we would be doing a signing of the calendars and mingle.  Those who wanted to participate in the ’strip’ poker game had already volunteered.  I had agreed to this. 

Because I was tardy, I entered through the front door of the casino to greet a line of people.  Mostly men.  I was directed by a worker as to were to go.  Which, of course, was ‘follow that line of people’.  Now, I know us MILF’s were supposedly a draw to get people to the casino for a poker tournament, but what was this line exactly for?  As I walked confidently along the line of ‘mostly men’, I heard whispers and the typical “daaaamn!’.  (I always roll my eyes when I hear that..with my head turn, of course)  I assume it is my size dd breasts but I like ‘em. :)  I turn the corner to see a long table with 9 beautiful MILFs seated with Sharpies in hand and permanent smiles.   I was shocked.  Were these ‘mostly men’ seriously waiting this long to meet us and receive our signature?  Ok, time to put my game face on.  I find the MILF I know the best and am certain remembers me.  She genuinely smiles at me and is truly excited to see me.  My heart slows down instantly.  I am given a chair almost immediately as if the word got out that I had entered the building.   The 2006 MILF scooted her chair to make room.  I joined the MILF’s with a permanent smile which was surprisingly genuine.   We brought many smiles to the guests in line just by being there.  Was it all just because they want to have sexual relations with us or did they have a certain respect for us?  Or was it  because they had already a few too many?  I really don’t mind the reason.  It was fun for me and obviously for them or they wouldn’t have been there.  Some ‘mostly men’ got in line again to get the May MILF’s signature, which was me.

I asked some of the other MILF’s if they were going to do the ’strip poker’  None of us were too excited for it.  I had come prepared with a couple of bikinis, after all I did agree to do it.  The dreadful announcement came for the MILF’s participating in the game to come to the table.  I had already put my bikini on under my clothes but remained hesitant.  Clearly I am not getting naked, but still it was scary.   Will I lose respect for doing this?  Will some jerk take a picture with his phone and put it on THAT website to focus on my imperfections?  Standing near the table, I saw only 2 MILF’s seated.   It turns out, the casino was pretty upset that only 2  MILF’s were sitting at the table and the manager on duty was pushing the radio station to get more MILFs.  The radio station workers appeared to be in a pickle.  On one side, they respect ‘their MILF’s’ and don’t feel comfortable pushing us to play strip poker.  On the other side, it did appear that they made a commitment to the casino to provide MILF’s for strip poker.  It got very quiet and the remaining MILF’s tried to avoid making eye contact to the radio station or the casino manager on stage.  I knew the MILF’s standing with me on the side didn’t have any bikini’s on to play and we had already stalled too long.  Reluctantly, I walked to the table to play.  I would be stripping to the very same bikini I wear to the public pool with my kids. 

I am part of the ’MILF community’ and receive it as a compliment.   I enjoy motherhood, feeling sexy, and am self-confident.  I am a MILF. 

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Saturday, August 23, 2008 by Dana.

Home Schooling seems to be more pervasive today than when I was a kid.   Back then, home schooling was just for religious fanatics that were too protective of their kids to expose them to learning about sex on the school bus.

As I mentioned in a previous post, our youngest attends school from home.  It isn’t really home schooling in the traditional sense.  He attends a public, state-funded charter school that conducts its classes and instruction on-line, using a parent as the learning coach.   He has a teacher that reviews his assessments, answers questions, and provides on-line or phone based assistance.  Some lessons include a lecture element conducted on-line.  Everything is provided including the books, science lab supplies, and PC with a printer.

What’s the issue?  We have 2 older boys in traditional schools (6th grader in middle school and freshman in high school), and now they are having grass is greener on the other side syndrome.  Our middle child is envious that his younger brother is at home learning when he is at school trying to dodge the kids that are bullying him in the hallway.  The middle child wants to be able to do part of his learning at the coffee shop, and his desire to not be at school has resulted in multiple calls over multiple days in the 1st 3 weeks of school wanting to come home because he didn’t feel well.  Our oldest seems fine being in high school; however, he struggles to remember to complete work and turn in completed work.  Of course there are medications that help him focus, but being home schooled would soften the “turn in your homework” requirement substantially.

The solution sounds simple… let them all attend AZVA.  The questions… does that create more problems or different problems to address.  Will Karen have time for all 3 boys during the day so they are learning effectively?  How will it impact her ability to run her business out of the home?  Will it add to the stress in the household or will it improve the family bonds?  Will the kids get the social interactions they need (remember we live in Disturbia, not the rural countryside)?  Will they miss out on important extracurricular activities?

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Tuesday, August 19, 2008 by Dana.

I could write all day about my neighbors, and I am using the term neighbor generously to include all the various people in this part of Disturbia that we know (not just the people that live within earshot).   I have many insights and observations to share about various aspects of their lives, so check in from time to time to see blogs about those observations and insights.

Someday a neighbor will come across this blog.  I am certainly not hiding it, and I don’t intend to sugar coat my postings; nonetheless, it is wise to consider the old adage that “people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”  So before I blog about my neighbors, it’s only fair that I disclose some details about me and my family, and consider what they might think about us.  I can’t say for sure if this is what they think of us, but I am probably not too far off the mark. 

What about you?  Do your neighbors have an accurate perception of you?  WWYNS?

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Monday, August 18, 2008 by Dana.

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, we have 3 dogs, and all 3 are recues.  All 3 of them sleep in our master bedroom/bath area with our door shut so that they don’t terrorize the ferrets or wake the kids up.  The smallest dog (J.J.) is a border collie with an intense herding instinct.  She was previously a stray, and we believe she is about 4 or 5 years old.  J.J. has a loud, shrill bark, and she uses frequently because she is convinced that her role in life is to keep the other 2 dogs in line.

Piper, a 2 year old Border Collie/Aussie Sheppard mix, is the alpha dog of the group.  She decides when the other 2 dogs get to eat, play, or chase other dogs at the park.  She has a loud bark, and she uses it in a commanding way… except at 6am in the morning.  In the early morning, she stares out the second floor bedroom window and feels compelled to bark at people that are walking dogs that she can see down on the sidewalk.  This of course requires J.J. to bark even louder because she is certain she should be barking since Piper is barking.

Finally, Lukas is the lone male of the group.  He is an 18 month old lethal white Aussie/border collie mix, and he is deaf.  [Learn more about lethal whites Aussies on the Amazing Aussies website.]  Even though he cannot hear himself bark, he will also bark at people through the bedroom window.  Stopping Lukas from barking requires that we get his attention to give him a hand signal.  This means we have to get out of bed to wag a finger in a “No No No” fashion in front of his face.  Nonetheless, we’ve had more success in getting him to stop barking than we have had with Piper, because… well… Piper thinks she is alpha dog over us sometimes too.

So that brings us to morning… Sometime between 5:00am and 6:30am, as the number of people walking dogs outside increases, our dogs feel more compelled to bark.  We do our best to quiet them and tell them “No!” to get a few more minutes of sleep, which is like sleeping between a 3 minute snooze setting.  Depending on how tired we are, at some point we give up with all 3 dogs barking at top volume and running around the bedroom to let us know that people are walking dogs outside.  By “around the bedroom” I mean that they run over us on the bed as if we were just another obstacle to navigate to get around the room. At this point, Karen and I will have a brief, half-awake conversation to decide if I am taking the dogs hiking or if she is taking them to the dog park after I leave for work.  Either way, I get up to start my day… hike or go into work earlier.

What about all you out there in disturbia?  Do you start your day with a barking alarm clock?  Are you one of those 5:30am walkers at which our dogs are barking out the window?

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Sunday, August 17, 2008 by Dana.

Did you grow up doing the same thing every weekend?  Maybe it was baseball on Saturdays and church on Sunday morning, followed by brunch at a local restaurant.  Maybe it involved watching a football game or having the same thing for Sunday dinner. 

Growing up for me… weekends were those days to do all that work around our mini-farm that we could not do during the week because of grueling factory jobs my parents held down or the extremely full sport and activity schedules I had.

Now I find that my weekends are seldom the same.  We almost never have the same thing to eat every weekend, and activities can range from doing yard work to not being home all day.  This Friday evening, I went with Karen (wife) to Tucson to help her with a her work (http://sekseparties.com), which is usually a lot of fun for me.  This particular event was a lot fun, and we actually didn’t make it home until 4am.   On Saturday, we did a little shopping at the Chandler Fashion Center and recovered from our partying Friday night.  This morning (Sunday), Karen and I went on a 3 hour mountain hike in South Mountain Park, with the dogs.  After that, we gave all 3 dogs a bath outdoors, swam a little, and then drove out to East Mesa to pick up a dance pole she had rented the day before.  It wore us all out.  I took a 2 hour nap before dinner, and the dogs have been lounging around or sleeping most of the day.  Karen fell asleep at 9:00pm watching a movie with our youngest boy.

What about our kids you ask?  They are at the age where hanging out with their friends is much more fun than hanging out with the parents.  Only our 8 year old gets dragged along with us when he isn’t hanging out with the neighbor boy or when our older 2 boys are not around to keep an eye on him.

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