Sunday, September 21, 2008 by Dana.

Several times a week, we take our 3 dogs to a dog park.  For those not familiar with having a dog in Suburbia, a dog park is the only place other than your home where you can have your dog off a leash so it can run, get exercise, or mark his territory on a shrub.
Our 3 dogs have a very high-drive, which means we have to get them out often to run and play.  Nothing against the dog park, but it is analogous to taking your child to a McDonald’s Playland.  You would rather your kids be able to run through the woods or play in the barn like you did as a kid, but here you have to expose them to a germ-infested area of plastic slides and snot-covered plastic balls.  For the dogs, you can’t take them to the neighborhood park to play fetch or even let them out to chase a rabbit in the neighborhood.  You have to expose them a collection of potentially sick dogs and shrubs marked with more urine than an urban fire hydrant.

As working with them on new tricks… forget about it!  There are far too many distractions with multiple different dogs and people.  A couple of our dogs have learned to fetch a tennis ball in the backyard, yet they will make no effort to do so at the dog park.  The distractions keep them from giving you the focus to complete the trick, plus our dogs have no interest in sharing a tennis ball with hundreds of other dogs.  You don’t know where that ball has been, and the dogs seem to understand the same concept.  Taking your own ball is not an option unless you want to see your dogs get into a fight with another dog that thinks it can chase any ball in the park.

What can we do? Nothing.  It is what it is.  The leash laws are because a few aggressive dogs have hurt or killed people.  Even if you have an old, arthritic dog with 3 legs that is blind in one eye, you still have to have it on a leash.   Should we go back to holding people accountable if their dog is not kept in control so those that can control their dogs can take them to any park to play?  What are your thoughts?

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Friday, September 12, 2008 by Dana.

Last weekend in northeast Phoenix, a backyard wrestling operation was shutdown.  In Disturbia, a young entrepreneur turned a fake sport into backyard entertainment for teenagers and others without a meaningful social life.  While the applesauce wrestling sounds cool, we really don’t know what these ladies looked like.  If they will do backyard applesauce wrestling for little or no compensation, they have to be rejects from a local gentlemen’s club. The most amazing aspect of the story is that it included alcohol, teenagers, and handguns yet there were no incidents of violence reported.

Now… what is most disturbing?  I think it is the neighbor on the ladder looking over the fence.  Was he checking out the applesauce wrestlers on the night his wife had Bunko?  What do you think is most disturbing about the story?  Any applesauce wrestling in your neighborhood?

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Thursday, September 11, 2008 by karen.

 We have trees.  Our neighbors have trees.  Trees are a grand thing!  They block our noise, sun and hide us from the neighbors.  Unfortunately, the only trees we have are citrus and palm.  These type of trees are beautiful and functional, but they do not provide as much shade as we would like. 

 Our neighbors to the west of us, who our neighbors are probably the best anyone could have living in disturbia, have a beautiful backyard that once had plush grass and is larger than ours.  They tore up the grass and installed desert landscaping leaving the trees.  One must understand having grass in the desert is a lot of work and even more work in disturbia when it must be manicured to appease the HOA and neighbors.    We are limited on owning equipment to maintain a yard due to space.  This causes many to hire landscapers or illegals to do the job for them.    I find it can be a could workout so we do most trimming ourselves.  Even when doing the work yourself, you have the issue of removing the excess.  Having only one large dumpster-like can to put it in can be a problem so having someone else do it and take it away is sometimes easier but can get expensive.  How do some afford a weekly landscaper?

One evening while Dana was polishing the Harley, our neighbor mentioned above, was outside and asked about her tree.  She was inquiring if her beautiful Mesquite tree bothered us.  I responded with an ecstatic ‘no’ stating I loved it.  It provides an excellent source of shade to our backyard in the late afternoons.  I explained it to her and she also commented on how it was growing over our FENCE.  I chuckled.  Do I look like a neighbor who cares if your wonderful shade is growing over my fence? I understand she is only doing her neighborly duty to ask, and I do appreciate it.  She even went on to say they were considering removing the tree to keep us happy.   I really got excited and pleaded her to NOT remove it.  We really do enjoy the tree and if they need assistance with the care of the tree, I would gladly help.  Maybe I should have mentioned, they are up in years and both work full time.  I also told her that when the branches got to be a nuisance  on my side, I simply clipped them and disposed of them properly.  Doing this sort of thing can be a huge no-no in disturbia.  The tree remains.

 A few nights later, we are at the local bar CK’s (again) and run into her son.  After a few drinks, he unpredictably turns to me and asks if their tree bothers us.  *sighs*  Wow!  I didn’t leave disturbia for a few hours to discuss your freaking tree! 

I LOVE THAT TREE.  

He too will make a fantastic neighbor someday!  His parents should be proud he is expresses such consideration. 

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Saturday, September 6, 2008 by Dana.

Agritopia… somebody’s “clever” idea of an agricultural utopia in the middle of Disturbia.  Agritopia is located in the city of Gilbert, which is a suburb of the Phoenix Metro area near where I live.  Since Gilbert was recently ranked in the top 30 of the best small cities to live, a concept like Agritopia is not a surprise.  The website states that “the Agritopia Project is an effort to design and build a neighborly community around an urban farm.”  While the website is very outdated, you get the idea… so… some quaint houses in a nice neighborhood of single family homes, right?

Well, enough about the homes… let’s talk about the agriculture. It turns out that some enterprising people started a farm inside one of the quaint houses.  However, this farm was raising a bumper crop of 800 marijuana plants with a street value of $2 million.  To heck with having a cool home theater system… this urban farm boasted $100,000 in indoor “farming” equipment.

What brought them down?  Neighbors smelled “gas” and alerted the officials.  So any strange smells in your neighborhood?

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Wednesday, September 3, 2008 by Dana.

Here is the scenario… You are a 78 yr old, curmudgeon that carries a cane but does not need one.  You are walking one block to the shared mailbox location in your neighborhood.  Your neighbor arrives home on his Harley after a long day at work, and his 3 herding dogs come out to greet him with excited barks and much jumping.  While greeting their master, 2 of the dogs spot a rabbit in the shrubs of home across the cul-de-sac near the mailboxes. The dogs sprint for the rabbit, but don’t really notice you.  However, they may sense that you needless fear them, although you are not a sheep or cow.  The dogs bark at you from a distance, probably because they can tell that you are a nasty old curmudgeon.  Dogs have a great sense for people!  Your reaction… throw rocks at them and wave your cane at them in a menacing manner.

How do you expect the dogs to react?  Of course, the dogs respond to the aggression with a show of force, especially the alpha female.   Now, as the curmudgeon, are you telling yourself that you are an idiot for provoking the dogs that are still 15-20 meters away that had no interest in you in the first place?  No… because you are a curmudgeon.  You are so old that rational thought is nearly impossible.

An intelligent person would realize the dogs are more interested in the rabbit than you, and that their master is outside watching them to make sure they don’t go any further than they should.  An intelligent person would realize that barking is not an indication of an eminent attack.  An intelligent person would not throw rocks and threaten dogs with a cane in plain view of the dogs’ master.

Switching points of view… As the dogs’ master, I am watching the dogs do their usual daily chase of rabbits in the neighbor’s yard.  Then I see an old coot throwing rocks at my dogs and waving his cane at them as if to attack, even though they are 15-20 meters away.  I call the dogs to return, which they do immediately, and after they are in the house, I approach the old coot.  I told the old man that I was sorry if my dogs frightened him, and that they were just interested in the rabbit they were chasing.  I told him that if he does not want the dogs to bother him, he should not throw rocks at them or wave the cane at them.  I’m trying hard to be polite!

The old curmudgeon just can’t take advice, because he threatens my dogs and tells me that maybe he should bring a gun next time.  This is where the politeness ends, because nobody tells me to my face that they are going to shoot my dogs that are in the neighbors’ yard.  I step toward him and let him know that he should definitely bring a gun next time, because he would need one if he is going to make a death threat on my dogs.

Do you have an old curmudgeon in your neighborhood?  I hope I’m not like that when I get that age.  I’d rather be like Sean Connery or Harrison Ford… they don’t wave canes at dogs; they date sexy, younger women!

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