November 2009
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Archive for November 2009

5 Gifts for Men Living in Disturbia

Monday, November 30, 2009 by Dana.

5. Kenny Powers Jersey from http://www.kennypowersjerseys.com/

Kenny Powers is the main character in the HBO comedy “Eastbound and Down”. Any fan of the show would love a jersey to wear when he decks the guy that doesn’t pick up the doggie droppings in your yard and shouts “You’re f’ing out!”

4. Camobooty Hip Flask from http://sekseparties.com/ (email or call to order)

Help your man get through a chick-flick or a day with the in-laws by sneaking drinks from his very own hip flask adorned in a camouflage pattern made from exotic female silhouettes.

3. 16′ Extension Ladder from http://www.amazon.com/

Whether your man is cleaning gutters, hanging holiday lights, painting, or repairing the roof, a good extension ladder is essential. Think of it this way ladies… you will no longer hear the “I don’t have a big enough ladder” excuse again.

2. Whiskey and Cigars from http://www.bevmo.com/

Beer is for house parties. Vodka for limo rides and club hopping. Whiskey is for satisfaction! Glenlivet and cigars is the perfect way for your man to help forget that the nosey neighbors live close enough to hear the wife scream out in pleasure… during that rare monthly coupling.

1. Power Tools from http://www.lowes.com/

Men love power tools. In fact, the only thing they love more than power tools is watching the Benny Benassi video of girls using power tools. Along with the extension ladder, this is another great way to eliminate excuses for handling items on the Honey-Do list. For extra points, dress like the girls in the video when you give this gift.

Posted in Gifts, Holidays, Suburbia | Print | No Comments »

Festival of Lights

Sunday, November 29, 2009 by Dana.

Every year we look forward to the Ahwatukee Festival of Lights. We usually go out just after lunch to walk through the row of craft vendor booths while the kids enjoy the carnival games or hang out with their friends. As it grows later, wife and I head to the beer garden to mingle with friends and sneak drinks out of our flasks we smuggled in. Around 6pm the parade of Harleys arrive (with Santa), and then we stay in the beer garden until forced to leave around 7pm. We drag our kids home at that point, and then wife and I head out with friends for a night cap. But this year… the entire day was disappointing.

The weeks leading up to the Festival of Lights (FOL) were filled with newspaper articles about how they almost didn’t have enough funds raised to make it happen… and it showed. We arrived to find that the Xmas tree silent auction was eliminated, and the crowd was significantly smaller (guessing ~20% less). The beer garden that is usually standing room only had plenty of seats and small drink lines, and the friends that host a small gathering in their RV in the parking lot appeared to have left their RV sit idle.

To be fair, the weather wasn’t great, and it did end up raining around 4pm. However, the crowd was weak, and the disappointment had already set in long before the rains came. The light rain drove all by the hardy beer garden attendees away. A few brave ones toughed it out (some under the tables) to stay dry.

Eventually we left because our youngest child was not feeling well. We grabbed him some cough medicine at the Walgreen’s and then had a quick bite to eat at Loco Patron before going home for the night. We managed to have a good time because we make our own fun; however, we may have to re-evaluate attendee the FOL in the future.

Posted in Holidays, Suburbia, Disturbed, Weekend | Print | No Comments »

When kids fight…

Friday, November 27, 2009 by Dana.

Like any normal set of siblings, they fight. We have 3 boys, ages 9, 12 & 15. Sometimes they get into heated arguments, and maybe a punch or 2 is thrown. But the fights seldom last long. When it comes to fighting with “friends”, those fights are usually short and mostly just shoving and verbal assaults.So when you see a news article like this one in AZ Central, you have to wonder what parental meltdown is going on here for things to escalate out of control. We all need to teach kids how to have a thicker skin and stick to spreading bad rumors instead of stabbing the person that just kicked your ass in Guitar Hero. Oh… and keep the alcohol and sharp objects away from your teen!

Posted in Weapons, Crime, Alcohol, parents, Suburbia, kids, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »

Thanksgiving in Disturbia

Thursday, November 26, 2009 by Dana.

What did our Thanksgiving Day include:

Wife gets up early to go get groceries for Thanksgiving Dinner.
Husband and 15 yr old son help put groceries away.
Husband & Wife argue over trivial water drips in the kitchen… was the final straw in the “get of my kitchen” bad mood act this morning.
Wife storms out of house to walk dogs to cool off.
Husband makes amends by chopping up parsley and celery.
Upon Wife’s return, Husband and 15 yr old son take 1 hour walk with dog to let wife cool off more.
Watching football.
9 yr old son and 12 yr old son fighting over who gets to do what while setting the table.
Continued fighting over who stands where while setting the table.
9 yr old makes drinks menus (Making drink menus) and refuses to let anyone read them until all sit. Everyone gets their own drink instead.
Husband intervenes to make 9 yr old and 12 yr old sit in a timeout on the steps.
15 yr old plays on the computer
12 yr old plays guitar
9 yr old plays on Xbox.
More watching of Football
Wife asks Husband if he is watching football still (it’s not even 1pm yet).
Husband helps wife prepare late lunch (when we eat our Turkey Meal)
12 yr old makes mistake of having nothing to do in front of Wife, gets enlisted into making mashed potatoes
Husband watches more football. Then argues over going out at the last minute to get a pumpkin pie.
Husband goes to get pie.
Wife has feast ready… Wife removing delicious bird from oven
Family eats… 1 fight over who gets to talk to 12 yr old about his shopping plans.
9 yr old starts fight over who get the wishbone. Husband decides to not carve it out until of the bird until everyone forgets about it.
More football watching… Husband falls asleep on the couch.
Husband wakes up to 9 yr old screaming about fairness of game where the 12 yr old and his friend always win.
9 yr old continues on tantrum for a little longer until Wife resolves it.
Wife gets off Facebook to sit next to Husband on the couch. Asks if football is over yet (during 4th quarter of game 2 of 3).
Wife asks Husband if he wants to go shopping (for nothing in particular)
More football watching
9 yr old runs into house claiming someone hijacked the neighbors truck (neighbors are out of town).
Wife calls out of town neighbors to see if they were expecting someone to use their truck. Leaves message.
9 yr old runs back in. Claims people are taking stuff out of the neighbors house.
Wife runs outside.
Husband keeps blogging… oops. I better get out there. brb
Husband receives call from neighbor with potentially hijacked truck. All good… truck is being borrowed by friends, and it turns out that the only things took from inside were cooking oil and serving dishes.
Wife and Husband window shop on-line after Husband realizes he doesn’t get the NFL network to watch game 3 of the day.
Wife takes remote control to watch chick movie on HBO.
Husband finishes blog post.

Posted in Holidays, parents, kids, Suburbia, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »

Hottub Hopping

Sunday, November 22, 2009 by Dana.

My friends and I decided to take the boat out on the Lakewood pond to see how many strange hottubs we can sneak into. If you hear splashing in the backyard, don’t panic.

Posted in Neighbors, Suburbia, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »

How to make money in Disturbia without a job.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009 by Dana.

Today I read an in AZ Central about an enterprising couple that has been stealing bags from the PHX Airportand then selling the stolen items in yard sales. I do not advocate crime as a way of life, but I am curious if there are other ways to make a living in Disturbia without a job. I’m also going to think twice before I make a purchase at a yard sale or flea market.

Funny side comment… I bet they have some good stories about crazy stuff found in luggage.

Posted in Crime, Suburbia, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »