Wednesday, January 19, 2011 by Dana.

Years 1-2
I love my pool! My family loves the pool. We spend nearly every waking moment in it after work/school. We drink in it, eat next to it, and pee behind it. We invite friends over several times per week and volunteer to host every party for the kid’s sports teams. We love sending pics of splashing in the pool to our relatives in rural KY. I love my pool!

Year 3
The kids still treat the pool like it was new, but wife & I wait until the water temperature is over 82 before swimming. Wow, I didn’t realize it was so hard to keep the chlorine levels balanced in the blazing AZ sun. Broken umbrella? How did the tile get so corroded so fast? WHAT? $450 for new filters!?!? I hate my pool.

Years 4-5
Ugh! Seems like I spend a lot for a few months of use. I’m putting in a pool heater so I can at least use it 10 months of the year. Oooh it’s like a giant hot tub. Let’s put the kids to bed and invite our friends over for moonlight swimming! I love my pool!

Years 6-7
I am on my 3rd set $450 filters and installed a $575 replacement salt cell. F’ing algae!  I’ve given up trying to keep the tile clean. Why does the waterfall look like a cavern forming stalagmites? Is that a hunk of the pool wall surface that fell off? I swam in it less than 3 times last summer because I felt I had to be doing maintenance on it instead of enjoying it. I hate my pool!

Year 8
I miss having an awesome pool. I’m investing $10K in my backyard to have the entertainment venue I used to have. I want to love my pool again!

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Monday, November 15, 2010 by Dana.

I haven’t posted in a while. Why is that? I’m not really sure to be honest. Maybe I’m lazy? Well, I do microblog quite a bit, so maybe it’s a lack of time to think of more than 140 characters of wit.It could be the lack of inspiration…

• Neighbors still hate our dogs, and we still like our dogs more than our neighbors.
• We still get annoyed by living in Disturbia, but we aren’t ready to give up the better schools and access to many things we take for granted.
• Crime, greed, knowing which neighbors are cheating, busy kids, fair weather friends, traffic, finances, pets, busy lives… it’s all about the same.

So… I’ll make a deal with all of you. You respond more to my posts, and I’ll post more. Deal?

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Sunday, July 4, 2010 by Dana.

My wonderful wife, Karen, is on her (now annual) vacation to KY to visit her family with our 2 younger sons (Shade & Seth) and dogs.  She leaves me in Disturbia to hang out with my oldest son, Tyler.  Now that she has had a few visits, I can give you a basic story line of how her vacation goes before it happens.  This is how it generally works.

Days 1-2 – The Drive

Karen spends 2 grueling days driving long hours to get to KY as fast as is possible with 2 kids and large dogs.  During the drive out, there is a 50% chance of a getting a speeding ticket.  The highlights of the drive will include a photo of the youngest boy, Seth, with a dog asleep on his lap in the backseat and a story of how Shade got multiple semi’s to honk by giving the “honk your horn” gesture to the drivers.

Days 3-5 – The Joy of KY

For the first few days, everything is wonderful. The dogs are having fun running on the farm. The kids are enjoying the free range as well.  Basically, everyone is enjoying being loud, obnoxious, and generally free of neighbors 20 yards away behind the block wall.  There will be a couple complaints about family, but it is generally laughed off as no big deal.  We have a couple broken phone calls due to poor mobile phone service at the family farm, and the text messages are related to missing each other and wishing I had gone to KY with them.

Days 6-7 – This Got Old Quick

Just as Ben Franklin said, “Fish and visitors stink after three days.”  In this case, Karen, the kids, and the dogs are the stinky visitors.  During these days, politeness begins to break down, and Karen has an intoxicated moment of honesty where she realizes how much she really doesn’t enjoy the small town atmosphere.  She decides to just deal with everyone as best as possible because the kids are having such a great time.

Days 8-12 – Venture Out

In this middle part of the vacation, Karen focuses on getting off the farm to visit places she has missed such as King’s Island, Newport on the Levee, the baseball park, etc.  Also, Karen usually finds at least a couple different people to go out drinking with her (so she doesn’t have to drive). At least one of the drinking buddies will be someone she hasn’t been out with since high school or someone she met on-line.

Days 13-16 – Coming Out of Turn Four

By this time, Karen is very ready to return to Disturbia, Shade is bored with the farm, and Piper has bitten more than 3 family members or pets.  Karen’s family shows signs of fatigue trying to keep up with her, Shade, Seth, & the dogs.

Days 17-19 – The Return to Home Stretch

Karen has planned her departure details, ranted about family members via text messages, and got on-line to tweet or chat for the purpose of making fun of people that she used to go to high school with that are now big losers.  Shade has packed for the return trip, and Seth wants to move to KY. Seth has also slept in Karen’s bed every night even though he was too old for that 3 years ago.

Days 20-21 – Fast Drive Home

Karen sets out with the idea of taking a more leisure drive home, but she ends up making the trip back in 28 hours of driving over 2 days.  If she didn’t get a speeding ticket on the way out, there is a 100% chance she will get one on the way back.  Otherwise, it is a 50% chance of getting a ticket.

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Saturday, June 12, 2010 by Dana.

Living in Disturbia, I’ve observed that people own things they just don’t need here.  Here are my top 5 observations.

• You do not need a lifted 4×4 if off-road means driving up on the curb at your kid’s elementary school.

• You do not need a truck if you’ve never put anything into the bed for fear of scratching the paint

• You do not need a motorcycle if you only get it out for the annual bike week parties.

• You do not need a lawnmower if you hire an illegal immigrant to do your yard work.

• You do not need a mountain bike if venture no further than grass in the greenbelt behind your home.

Posted in Suburbia, Disturbed | Print | 1 Comment »

Sunday, May 9, 2010 by Dana.

For Cinco de Mayo, there was a great celebration at Loco Patron in Ahwatukee.  They had a giant inflatable slide and dunk tank for the kids to play in outside while the adults watched the basketball game and/or socialized with Mexican brews and Margaritas.  That was a lot of fun, and we went back for even more fun.

Karen grabbed her bikini for the return to Loco Patron, and then volunteered for the dunk tank.  Given her condition, we can call it a drunk tank. Whatever we call it, she made $50 in 10 minutes ($1/throw), and they let her keep all of it… which covered our expenses for the night! You rock, Karen!

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Saturday, May 1, 2010 by Dana.

This is a list of things I did this week.  I think it is a good balance of geeky things and manly things.  Notice that #10 is both geeky and manly at the same time.

Posted in Technology, travel, Suburbia, Disturbed | Print | 1 Comment »

Sunday, April 25, 2010 by Dana.

The night at UFest was fantastic.  I managed to pace myself nicely with drinks and stuck with the vodka (instead of beer) so I didn’t get sleepy.  I also stayed well hydrated and drank one of those 5-hour energy drinks around 6:30pm.  About the only time I felt old was during the second to last song from Three Days Grace.  It was a cover of “In the Air Tonight”, which was originally released before all the 20-somethings around me were born (1981).

I also ran into several friends that also made me feel “not too old” to be there.  I think I am older than all of them, but having friends there made me feel like I did belong.  Final thought… I’m not too old for the Suburban Festival Concert. After all, if Danzig is one of the acts, there are probably many people older than me at the show.

Here are some photos from the event:

Posted in Alcohol, Music, Suburbia, Weekend | Print | 1 Comment »

Friday, April 23, 2010 by Dana.

Tomorrow my sexy wife and I are going to an all-day festival concert called UFest hosted by a local radio station, 98 KUPD. We also bought a pair of tickets for my 13 year old future rock star and his buddy.  As a 40 year old, these events test my endurance. We splurged on VIP tickets for me and the wife to get the comfort of shade, smaller lines, and nicer bathrooms.  Maybe I should dye my hair tonight so I don’t feel like such an old fart by the time the headline act takes the stage.  Hopefully I’ll get some more Silver Fox comments while I’m there to stroke my ego… but I’ll probably just hear “How do you get her?” in reference to my amazing wife.

I’ll be tweeting during the event until my battery dies. Hope I can find a place in the VIP area to charge my phone.  If not, I think I’ll take a small notepad to keep track of my observations and what I overheard so I can blog about it later.

Posted in Alcohol, Music, Suburbia, Weekend | Print | 1 Comment »

Tuesday, March 30, 2010 by Dana.

I like to consider myself as being liberal, but I guess I won’t go so far as to call myself a Liberal. Damn bleeding hearts now want to prevent a Cuban restaurant from serving rabbit on Easter.  Rabbit is a common menu item in many countries, and just because someone has a soft spot for rabbits doesn’t mean a restaurant shouldn’t serve them.  It’s not like dog or cat is on the menu… geesh!  What’s next? No roast duck because little ducklings are cute on Easter?  I suppose a 3-egg omelet is out of the question on Easter too?

Posted in Holidays, Suburbia, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »

Monday, March 22, 2010 by Dana.

We’ve had a wet winter in the Sonoran Desert, which has led to some of the greenest “carpet” on the mountains that I’ve ever seen here.  Our hike on Sunday morning was beautiful.  I snapped this photo, which included a lovely patch of yellow wild flowers near the top of the ridge.

All the lush vegetation yields more insects à more lizards & birds à more small mammals & snakes à more birds of prey & larger mammals, such as this coyote roaming the streets near our house.

So what is the downside?

1.       More risk to house pets from birds of prey and coyotes.

2.       Huge risk of wildfires when the heat comes this summer.

3.       My allergies (and everyone else allergic to pollen) going crazy.

All in all… the downsides are no biggie, don’t you think?

Posted in Weather, Desert, Suburbia | Print | No Comments »