D(r)unk Tank at Loco Patron

Sunday, May 9, 2010 by Dana.

For Cinco de Mayo, there was a great celebration at Loco Patron in Ahwatukee.  They had a giant inflatable slide and dunk tank for the kids to play in outside while the adults watched the basketball game and/or socialized with Mexican brews and Margaritas.  That was a lot of fun, and we went back for even more fun.

Karen grabbed her bikini for the return to Loco Patron, and then volunteered for the dunk tank.  Given her condition, we can call it a drunk tank. Whatever we call it, she made $50 in 10 minutes ($1/throw), and they let her keep all of it… which covered our expenses for the night! You rock, Karen!

 

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Easter Bunny is Delicious!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010 by Dana.

I like to consider myself as being liberal, but I guess I won’t go so far as to call myself a Liberal. Damn bleeding hearts now want to prevent a Cuban restaurant from serving rabbit on Easter.  Rabbit is a common menu item in many countries, and just because someone has a soft spot for rabbits doesn’t mean a restaurant shouldn’t serve them.  It’s not like dog or cat is on the menu… geesh!  What’s next? No roast duck because little ducklings are cute on Easter?  I suppose a 3-egg omelet is out of the question on Easter too?

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Does your dog deserve a Valentine?

Sunday, February 14, 2010 by Dana.

It may sound like a silly question, but let’s pretend that it isn’t for a moment and list reasons your dog deserves something on Valentine’s Day.

Your dog:

1. Loves you unconditionally

2. Is always happy to see you

3. Will spoon with you without wanting sex

4. Will kiss you no matter where your mouth has been or how bad your breath is

5. Doesn’t care if you have if you have gained a few pounds or if you are having a bad hair day

6. Make great snuggle blankets

7. Can learn new tricks

8. Will not criticize you or bring up the fact that you forget to clean, cook, or do some other semi-important task

9. Is always willing to spend time with you

10. Will eat anything you make

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10 Predictions for 2010

Friday, January 1, 2010 by Dana.

Happy New Year! I’m awake at 7am on 1/1/2010 to make predictions.

1. My 1st nap of 2010 will occur today (1/1/2010).
2. My dogs will boycott making resolutions to behave better.
3. My car will get stolen forcing me to get a newer one that doesn’t need shocks, breaks, or general maintenance.  Wait… no… I sense that is just wishful thinking on my part.
4. I will put away Holiday decorations with a vow to get better ones for outside next year.  I will end up putting up the same crappy decorations after Thanksgiving, except 2 more strands of lights will quit working.
5. Based on straight party line voting, we will get a national health care system. Due to all the compromises, it will be so watered-down and confusing, that people will complain about it well into 2011. Republicans will still do nothing to reverse the damages caused by 8 years of the Bush administration.
6. My discontent for suburbia will make me search for a rural home with no neighbors within 300 yards. The kids will beg us to not move to the middle of nowhere, so I will still be blogging about Disturbia into 2011.
7. My middle child will hit a growth spurt around his 13th birthday in March and will be as tall as me by 2011.

Ok… Now for some real predictions

1. The Tempe woman that showed up in Miami without her 8-month old that was last seen in San Antonio will confess to killing her child after her boy is discovered in her abandoned vehicle.
2. A major earthquake will create a giant sinkhole in Mexico south of Yuma, AZ.  It will create a beautiful spring-filled lake that turns Yuma, AZ into a major tourist town.
3. Android-based phones will outnumber iPhones. Apple products will revert to a minor cult status for a few years until they wow us again with a new system using a holographic projection display and thought recognition for system input.

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5 Gifts for Men Living in Disturbia

Monday, November 30, 2009 by Dana.

5. Kenny Powers Jersey from http://www.kennypowersjerseys.com/

Kenny Powers is the main character in the HBO comedy “Eastbound and Down”.  Any fan of the show would love a jersey to wear when he decks the guy that doesn’t pick up the doggie droppings in your yard and shouts “You’re f’ing out!”

   

   

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4. Camobooty Hip Flask from http://sekseparties.com/ (email or call to order)

Help your man get through a chick-flick or a day with the in-laws by sneaking drinks from his very own hip flask adorned in a camouflage pattern made from exotic female silhouettes.               

   

   

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3. 16′ Extension Ladder from http://www.amazon.com/

Whether your man is cleaning gutters, hanging holiday lights, painting, or repairing the roof, a good extension ladder is essential.  Think of it this way ladies… you will no longer hear the “I don’t have a big enough ladder” excuse again.           

   

   

       

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2. Whiskey and Cigars from http://www.bevmo.com/

Beer is for house parties. Vodka for limo rides and club hopping. Whiskey is for satisfaction! Glenlivet and cigars is the perfect way for your man to help forget that the nosey neighbors live close enough to hear the wife scream out in pleasure… during that rare monthly coupling.        

   

   

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1. Power Tools from http://www.lowes.com/

Men love power tools.  In fact, the only thing they love more than power tools is watching the Benny Benassi video of girls using power tools.  Along with the extension ladder, this is another great way to eliminate excuses for handling items on the Honey-Do list.  For extra points, dress like the girls in the video when you give this gift.         

   

   

   

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Festival of Lights

Sunday, November 29, 2009 by Dana.

Every year we look forward to the Ahwatukee Festival of Lights.  We usually go out just after lunch to walk through the row of craft vendor booths while the kids enjoy the carnival games or hang out with their friends.  As it grows later, wife and I head to the beer garden to mingle with friends and sneak drinks out of our flasks we smuggled in.  Around 6pm the parade of Harleys arrive (with Santa), and then we stay in the beer garden until forced to leave around 7pm.  We drag our kids home at that point, and then wife and I head out with friends for a night cap. But this year… the entire day was disappointing.

The weeks leading up to the Festival of Lights (FOL) were filled with newspaper articles about how they almost didn’t have enough funds raised to make it happen… and it showed.  We arrived to find that the Xmas tree silent auction was eliminated, and the crowd was significantly smaller (guessing ~20% less).  The beer garden that is usually standing room only had plenty of seats and small drink lines, and the friends that host a small gathering in their RV in the parking lot appeared to have left their RV sit idle.

To be fair, the weather wasn’t great, and it did end up raining around 4pm. However, the crowd was weak, and the disappointment had already set in long before the rains came.  The light rain drove all by the hardy beer garden attendees away.  A few brave ones toughed it out (some under the tables) to stay dry.

Eventually we left because our youngest child was not feeling well.  We grabbed him some cough medicine at the Walgreen’s and then had a quick bite to eat at Loco Patron before going home for the night.  We managed to have a good time because we make our own fun; however, we may have to re-evaluate attendee the FOL in the future.

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Thanksgiving in Disturbia

Thursday, November 26, 2009 by Dana.

What did our Thanksgiving Day include:

1. Wife gets up early to go get groceries for Thanksgiving Dinner.
2. Husband and 15 yr old son help put groceries away.
3. Husband & Wife argue over trivial water drips in the kitchen… was the final straw in the “get of my kitchen” bad mood act this morning.
4. Wife storms out of house to walk dogs to cool off.
5. Husband makes amends by chopping up parsley and celery.
6. Upon Wife’s return, Husband and 15 yr old son take 1 hour walk with dog to let wife cool off more.
7. Watching football.
8. 9 yr old son and 12 yr old son fighting over who gets to do what while setting the table.
9. Continued fighting over who stands where while setting the table.
10. 9 yr old makes drinks menus (Making drink menus) and refuses to let anyone read them until all sit.  Everyone gets their own drink instead.
11. Husband intervenes to make 9 yr old and 12 yr old sit in a timeout on the steps.
12. 15 yr old plays on the computer
13. 12 yr old plays guitar
14. 9 yr old plays on Xbox.
15. More watching of Football
16. Wife asks Husband if he is watching football still (it’s not even 1pm yet).
17. Husband helps wife prepare late lunch (when we eat our Turkey Meal)
18. 12 yr old makes mistake of having nothing to do in front of Wife, gets enlisted into making mashed potatoes
19. Husband watches more football. Then argues over going out at the last minute to get a pumpkin pie.
20. Husband goes to get pie.
21. Wife has feast ready… Wife removing delicious bird from oven
22. Family eats… 1 fight over who gets to talk to 12 yr old about his shopping plans.
23. 9 yr old starts fight over who get the wishbone.  Husband decides to not carve it out until of the bird until everyone forgets about it.
24. More football watching… Husband falls asleep on the couch.
25. Husband wakes up to 9 yr old screaming about fairness of game where the 12 yr old and his friend always win.
26. 9 yr old continues on tantrum for a little longer until Wife resolves it.
27. Wife gets off Facebook to sit next to Husband on the couch. Asks if football is over yet (during 4th quarter of game 2 of 3).
28. Wife asks Husband if he wants to go shopping (for nothing in particular)
29. More football watching
30. 9 yr old runs into house claiming someone hijacked the neighbors truck (neighbors are out of town).
31. Wife calls out of town neighbors to see if they were expecting someone to use their truck. Leaves message.
32. 9 yr old runs back in. Claims people are taking stuff out of the neighbors house.
33. Wife runs outside.
34. Husband keeps blogging… oops. I better get out there. brb
35. Husband receives call from neighbor with potentially hijacked truck. All good… truck is being borrowed by friends, and it turns out that the only things took from inside were cooking oil and serving dishes.
36. Wife and Husband window shop on-line after Husband realizes he doesn’t get the NFL network to watch game 3 of the day.
37. Wife takes remote control to watch chick movie on HBO.
38. Husband finishes blog post.

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Going to see the Fireworks?

Monday, June 29, 2009 by Dana.

Ever since moving to PHX, I’ve been completely disappointed at attending fireworks displays.  Because of the extreme danger of fire (everything here is very dry and likely to ignite with the slightest help), the displays seem about as exciting as any small town fireworks display.  Not to mention, it is 95 degrees at night while you watch the fireworks in the park.

This is the 5th largest metro area in the USA..  Why can’t the metro areas partner to create a giant display over the Tempe Towne Lake (small “lake” in Tempe created by damming the trickle of water that comes down the Salt River) that is set to music and lasts for over an hour, like the WEBN fireworks in Cincinnati or Red, White, and Boom in Columbus.    Or set up the launch point on the top of South Mountain and get fire departments from every metro area staged on both side of the mountain to put out any fires… which should be less likely given the additional 800 foot clearance from launching from the mountain top.  The fireworks will be visible on both sides of the mountain, and from a greater distance given the height.

If it is still a fire hazard, lets make this the laser light show capital of the world.  Blast a display on the side of Camelback Mountain or setup synchronized displays on various mountain sides all over the valley.  There are just many more options besides crummy, little fireworks displays that are put to shame by tiny cities in the Midwest.

I guess each metro area doesn’t want to give up revenue from the sale of $3 bottles of water and $5 glow necklaces.

Karen and the 2 younger boys are out of town… so my 15 yr old and me just might skip the fireworks?  Can’t decide.  Although we have not taken our deaf dog that loves lights.  Maybe he will enjoy the show.

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Snowman Christmas Decorations in Phoenix

Monday, December 22, 2008 by Dana.

It is a few days before Christmas, and nearly every home has some sort of outdoor lights and decorations to display.  Every neighborhood has their Clark Griswold ensuring their house is visible from outer space, and there are a few Scrooges out there as well.  I like the festive lights, but I have never really enjoyed putting them up myself.  I usually put up enough lights to show that I am not a Scrooge, but only because my wife puts them up and makes me help her.

Yes, we do get snow in Arizona.  It is mostly in the northern part of the state where the elevation is much higher.  For example, the city of Flagstaff is at 7000 feet (higher than the Mile High City I might add), and the ski resort lodge is at 9000 feet.  On the other hand, Phoenix is at about 1100 feet, and is in a desert.  While an unusual dusting of snow might be seen on the north side of town, there is no snow for play.  The most popular winter sports in Phoenix are soccer and baseball, because nobody wants to play them between mid-June and mid-August when it is over 110 degrees every day.

With this extreme lack of snow, what is the purpose of putting up a giant inflatable snowman in your yard?   Is a snowman symbolic of Christmas in some way?  I know that Frosty was magical, but was it the same magic that we associate with Santa Claus?  Do we so all the snowman decorations because a large portion of the people in Phoenix have relocated here from some place colder, and they felt the need to keep their snowman decorations or give the illusion of snow?

I personally don’t get it.  I think we should send our snowman displays north.  While we are at it, we should pack up the lighted wire frame reindeer and penguins as well.  Instead we should put up decorations of Santa arriving on an all-terrain vehicle, and we display lighted gila monsters, rattlesnakes, and scorpions  What do you think?

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Halloween

Sunday, November 2, 2008 by karen.

Another Halloween has passed and we have more candy in the house  (I secretly begin to throw pieces away without the kids awareness).  This year Tyler didn’t dress up but still walked around the neighborhood to see friends and neighbors.  Shade has become quite the joker these days.  He decided to dress in my old Raggedy Ann costume.  He wore it to school, and I was surprised to see that he kept it on all day.  He then wore it to trick-or-treat too.    Seth wore his Jango Fett costume which Dana had purchased at a yard sale 2yrs ago for $5.  He loves that costume and it shows.  He will never win ‘best costume’ for it, but it is what he likes. 

 This year, we dressed up the dogs too.  Since I have a large collection of lingerie, Dana came up with the idea to dress the girls (J.J. and Piper) in lingerie and the boy (Lukas) in a wifebeater and boxers.  I have never dressed dogs in clothes before so I truly wasn’t thrilled about this.  The idea, yes.  The actuality of it…no.  I was running behind with getting candy, food, drinks and myself ready that the last thing on my list was dressing the dogs up.  Of course, it quickly became a priority when Dana got home.  They looked great after the pulling and whining and nipping.  They were satisfied with what they were dressed in.  Piper was in a black corset type piece expressing her dominance side, J.J. (rescued from http://azbordercollierescue.com/) was in a sweetheart red 2-piece and Lukas, our leathal white (rescued from http://amazingaussies.com), went as an immature pimp in his wife beater.  Very cute.  Again, the least of my concern, but I (I mean we) pulled it off.  Still struggling to get the kids outside, the table set up and myself showered and dressed, we made it in time to greet the neighbors.  Kids and dogs are in tow.

I took the liberty of holding Piper and Lukas while Dana had control of J.J.  We usually always seperate Piper and Lukas as they are the dominant ones and can be difficult to keep under control as a pair but for some odd reason this time we didn’t.  I wasn’t sure how the pups would react to Halloween.  Piper and Lukas already expressed timidness towards the jack-o-lanterns in the bathroom. 

 The costumes were cute, Shade’s being the most popular (of course they hadn’t seen mine yet) and one neighbor even commented “Karen, wasn’t that your costume a few years ago?”  Yes, it was.  The dogs appeared to be comfortable.  We kept our distance from the kids and sat at the end of the table.  The dogs were under control for the most part. 

Then I heard the youngest daughter of a neighbor comment how she wished she could pet Piper but she was next to Lukas.  Note: she didn’t ask to pet Piper.  I just smiled at her and gave my condolences for her feelings.   I wasn’t ready to start letting the affection for my dogs happen.  I was still getting settled with the kids and who they were walking with, etc…   While my back was away from the neighbors and I was discussing things with Dana, Lukas jerked on the leash and I hear the youngest daughter of my neighbor scream.  I turn to see her running to mommy and she dropped her white pillowcase used for collecting treats.  I was horrified at Lukas and thought for sure he had nipped her in the butt judging by her screaming.  I handed the dogs to Dana and went over to make sure she was ok.  Amazingly, her mother didn’t even question if she was ‘hit’ or not.  She was very busy consoling the crying girl.  I, on the other hand, was searching her white costume for evidence of a nip or bite.  And while I do care for her feelings, more importantly is, did he break the skin.  Once I was able to confirm he did not make contact, I was more at ease.  Many may agree with the consoling initially, but  I prefer we find out if there is a physical issue first.  Upon asking the mom, she wasn’t able to confirm if my dog had made contact.  I was responsible for finding this information out on my own with minimum help.  I had to repeat mysef several times asking if she was bit while the little girl was wailing “I don’t like Lukas!’  and the mom saying “I know, he doesn’t like you either”.  

 You see, there is a history with Lukas and this family along with all the neighbors, are completely aware of it.  I am a responsible pet owner.  If anyone enters my house, I make them aware of Lukas and his nipping habits with kids.  They also know he is deaf and has nipped Seth and another little girl in the neighborhood.  I have taken precautions and consulted his foster dad regarding this.  I have purchased books on the topic.  I consider myself knowledgable on the situation and his behavior.  However, it is still not an excuse for these things to happen.  I firmly believe many situations are 2-way. 

What do you think?  I do not in any way blame the child or mother, but I also don’t blame myself.  Do I blame Lukas?  Absolutely, but he is the most ignorant in the situation and we as humans need to prevent these situations. 

One must also keep in mind, these are not wild animals or fighting dogs.  This breed is known for nipping, not mauling.  They will let go.  They do not lock their jaws or go for the kill. 

Yes, I have been bitten by dogs.  Am I traumatized by this?  Of course not.  In all the cases, I antagonized the dog.  I was taught this by my parents who made sure I understood the reason behind it. 

Disturbia children need to learn proper technique with animals.  My 8yr old is still learning.  My 11yr old is still learning as he had to figure it out on his own the hard way.  Hitting a dog will get you bit.  I am proud to say he still loves this dog as he understands he brought in on himself. 

 I found an article about local elementary students being educated on the topic.   http://www.azcentral.com/pets/articles/2008/10/30/20081030gl-peodogbite1030-ON.html

I must ask, why parents can educate their kids on such topics.  This is one example of why we homeschool our youngest.  

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