Thursday, August 26, 2010 by karen.

School in disturbia is an entirely different experience than in a rural area. Besides the fact kids walk or are driven to school more than they ride the bus, the teaching techniques are a bit modern. I wish my youngest rode the bus, I think it would be good for him. Isn’t that where we learned most of our social skills, street smarts, etc…? The stuff that only the bus driver would allow? Good times! We’ve had a good start to the year with a 5th grader, 8th grader & 11th grader. No calls on the 5th grader and the 11th grader is finally involved in a physical activity requiring more than just a flick of the wrist….swim team!

Our 8th grader on the other hand has decided to make this year his best yet.  He is planning on trying out for the basketball team, baseball team, obtain better grades (if not A’s) and be in the school musical for the 3rd year.  You could also say he wants to have stud status since he likes having a ‘girlfriend’ which means, he texts her and can change his Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’. Way to go son!  I’ve already received a call from one of his disturbia teachers. The conversation was a bit like this:

T: Mrs. ****

M: Yes.

T: I’m calling you to discuss ****

M: OK

T: Do you know what a few of the boys were doing over the weekend?

M: Uh, well, yeah….but I guess not. What have they been doing?

T: It appears a few of the boys have been lighting themselves on fire by spraying Axe on their skin.

M: Oh yeah. (pause) I know. **** was very proud & showed me. It looked pretty cool.

T: (light gasp) So you know about this??

M: Yeah. He asked me if he could do it and was very persistent. I finally told him ‘ok’ he had to do it in front of me.

(Can you say white trash? “Hey mom, watch this!” sort of thing)

T: I think you should know one of the students has an infection and missed school yesterday.

M: Oh, Ok. Yeah, I know him.

T: This is a serious matter, Mrs. *****. Kids are getting hurt. He had an infection and had to miss school!

M: Ok.

(I got the feeling she doesn’t know what to say at this point.)

T: Do you watch Dr. Phil?

(What?!)

M: I know who he is and I’ve seen a few episodes. Why?

T: I think you and your family should watch him today. I feel you would benefit from him.

M: Ok, why? What is he having on his show today?

T: Dr. Phil is having a discussion about children lighting themselves on fire.

M: Ok, I will look into it.

Are you kidding me???  I’m sorry the boy got hurt, but guess what, he is my son’s best friend and I already spoke to his mom. She was there when my son showed us. What the teacher doesn’t realize is for my son, it’s a magic trick, not ’setting himself on fire’. We are talking about the boy who had a quarter removed from his esophagus when he was 10yrs old for attempting a ‘trick’. My friend was initially upset but now gets a kick out of the situation as she said it best “He’s such a dumb ass”.  

I did the typical mom thing.  I called my 13yr old and cursed at him for making me look bad.  He finally understood I wasn’t upset with him for doing the ‘trick’ but for discussing it at school. I informed him he cannot tell everyone the shit I let them do since many disturbia folks would call CPS on my ass. Trust me, I would have a field day with CPS.

After discussing this with a few people (my rural living sister included), I question if this is really a teacher’s duty? I think it’s a fine line. The ‘dumb ass’ act didn’t occur on school campus or during school hours. Ms. Disturbia Teacher, save your breathe for the incompetent parent or the truly abused child who needs you to step in.

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Sunday, July 4, 2010 by Dana.

My wonderful wife, Karen, is on her (now annual) vacation to KY to visit her family with our 2 younger sons (Shade & Seth) and dogs.  She leaves me in Disturbia to hang out with my oldest son, Tyler.  Now that she has had a few visits, I can give you a basic story line of how her vacation goes before it happens.  This is how it generally works.

Days 1-2 – The Drive

Karen spends 2 grueling days driving long hours to get to KY as fast as is possible with 2 kids and large dogs.  During the drive out, there is a 50% chance of a getting a speeding ticket.  The highlights of the drive will include a photo of the youngest boy, Seth, with a dog asleep on his lap in the backseat and a story of how Shade got multiple semi’s to honk by giving the “honk your horn” gesture to the drivers.

Days 3-5 – The Joy of KY

For the first few days, everything is wonderful. The dogs are having fun running on the farm. The kids are enjoying the free range as well.  Basically, everyone is enjoying being loud, obnoxious, and generally free of neighbors 20 yards away behind the block wall.  There will be a couple complaints about family, but it is generally laughed off as no big deal.  We have a couple broken phone calls due to poor mobile phone service at the family farm, and the text messages are related to missing each other and wishing I had gone to KY with them.

Days 6-7 – This Got Old Quick

Just as Ben Franklin said, “Fish and visitors stink after three days.”  In this case, Karen, the kids, and the dogs are the stinky visitors.  During these days, politeness begins to break down, and Karen has an intoxicated moment of honesty where she realizes how much she really doesn’t enjoy the small town atmosphere.  She decides to just deal with everyone as best as possible because the kids are having such a great time.

Days 8-12 – Venture Out

In this middle part of the vacation, Karen focuses on getting off the farm to visit places she has missed such as King’s Island, Newport on the Levee, the baseball park, etc.  Also, Karen usually finds at least a couple different people to go out drinking with her (so she doesn’t have to drive). At least one of the drinking buddies will be someone she hasn’t been out with since high school or someone she met on-line.

Days 13-16 – Coming Out of Turn Four

By this time, Karen is very ready to return to Disturbia, Shade is bored with the farm, and Piper has bitten more than 3 family members or pets.  Karen’s family shows signs of fatigue trying to keep up with her, Shade, Seth, & the dogs.

Days 17-19 – The Return to Home Stretch

Karen has planned her departure details, ranted about family members via text messages, and got on-line to tweet or chat for the purpose of making fun of people that she used to go to high school with that are now big losers.  Shade has packed for the return trip, and Seth wants to move to KY. Seth has also slept in Karen’s bed every night even though he was too old for that 3 years ago.

Days 20-21 – Fast Drive Home

Karen sets out with the idea of taking a more leisure drive home, but she ends up making the trip back in 28 hours of driving over 2 days.  If she didn’t get a speeding ticket on the way out, there is a 100% chance she will get one on the way back.  Otherwise, it is a 50% chance of getting a ticket.

Posted in parents, vacation, travel, kids, Neighbors, Suburbia, Pets, Disturbed | Print | 1 Comment »

Sunday, May 9, 2010 by Dana.

For Cinco de Mayo, there was a great celebration at Loco Patron in Ahwatukee.  They had a giant inflatable slide and dunk tank for the kids to play in outside while the adults watched the basketball game and/or socialized with Mexican brews and Margaritas.  That was a lot of fun, and we went back for even more fun.

Karen grabbed her bikini for the return to Loco Patron, and then volunteered for the dunk tank.  Given her condition, we can call it a drunk tank. Whatever we call it, she made $50 in 10 minutes ($1/throw), and they let her keep all of it… which covered our expenses for the night! You rock, Karen!

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Monday, March 8, 2010 by karen.

I just heard about a school in Denver that is rejecting a preschooler due to the fact the child has 2 moms.  http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/22769137/detail.html

I understand the catholic religion pretty well and while same-sex relationships are deemed inappropriate along with many other lifestyle choices, it just seems ridiculous.   I attended catholic school for 8yrs and was raised catholic continuing to attend mass into my mid 20’s.  I was married in the catholic church and had my children baptized.  I was also one of 3 sisters to become pregnant before marraige.  We were still accepted into the church and our children were accepted as well.  Even after a divorce, the church accepts you.  I remember attending school with kids who’s parents were divorced or going through a divorce but they were still able to attend the school.  I am confident there are lesbian/gay teachers in this country working at catholic schools but perhaps the demand for quality teachers is so high the church over looks them.  Where do they get off to simply choose who they are going to throw stones at?   I assume divorce is so common that it is simply accepted in the modern church.  How long until same sex marraiges/relationships are allowed in the catholic church?

Lesbian moms, why even bother to enroll your daughter at a catholic school?  You should know better.  Perhaps the education quality is the reason, but there are many other high-priced education facilities for your child to attend where you and she will be accepted. 

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Thursday, March 4, 2010 by karen.

Public school in Disturbia isn’t quite the same as in a rural area.   Modern school, itself isn’t the same as it was 15yrs ago. 

My 4th grader has racked up 24 tardies this year.  Many are to be blamed on myself, however, it shouldn’t be overlooked that regardless of who’s fault, that number is absolutely absurd!  Today would have been #25 but he just stayed home instead.  I believe I was ‘played’ by him.  I understand he didn’t feel well upon waking up most likely due to the abundance of sugar he consumed yesterday.  It has been determined he has a sensitivity to sugar and highly processed foods.  He was up way past his bed time due to having trouble sleeping from the sugar.  Congrats to him for baking the cake on his own and making the frosting from scratch.   Kudos to me for actually having all the ingredients in the kitchen! 

He informed me he wishes to be home-schooled again and questioned why everyone in school is so immature.  I chuckled as he is probably the most immature boy in his class but I quickly learned his view of immaturity is quite different than mine.

In AZ, the schools are required to submit the students to standardized testing known as AIMS.  His scores last year were good.  I want to see what his scores are this year before deciding to home-school again.  I suspect they will not be as good as last year’s.  I am weighing the pros and cons.    

My goal as a parent is to raise my children to be happy, self sufficient and successful in their future whatever that may be.  I do not measure success in dollars. 

Home-schooling isn’t just a way to ‘get by’.  He was learning more last year and retaining it. The AIMS scores proved it.  Home-schooling has a stigma but it is becoming more & more common due to resources making it easier. 

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Wednesday, February 10, 2010 by Dana.

During a business dinner tonight, a co-worker asked how my coaching activities were going.  I was telling him that my middle child was now on 2 teams, having made his 7^th grade team.  I coach his club team, and I was talking about how so many of the boys on our club team had made their school teams.  This was rewarding for me because the club team had been put together specifically to help get the boys ready for their school team tryouts.  My wife then chimed in with “You’ve coached all the boys that  made the school team, right?”.

I paused to think, and then I realized… yes, almost.  In fact, I have coached 12 of the 14 boys, and the other 2 I have coached against.  I also have coached for or against nearly all the 8^th grade boys and the 7^th and 8^th grade teams at neighboring schools.  It gives me a great sense of accomplishment to have been able to see these boys grow and develop in baseball and in life.  Youth baseball coaches don’t get paid, volunteer large amounts of time, and spend money out of their own pockets for gear… and we don’t ask for anything in return. We do it because we want to, and we do it because we like seeing the boys grow and improve because of our contribution.

If you are a youth sports coach, I tip my hat and extend my thanks to you for all that you do.

If you are a parent, let your coach know that he/she is appreciated. It means a lot to us.

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Sunday, February 7, 2010 by Dana.

The day of the big game… As usual, we have several options for watching it, but we choose to stay home.  Why?  A variety of reasons, but having an awesome wide-screen HDTV and surround sound system is NOT one of them.

Instead of discussing why we don’t go elsewhere, let me explain the advantages of staying home (not necessarily in order).

1. The kids are welcome
2. Inexpensive, higher quality food
3. No mark-up on the beer & liquor
4. No line for a clean bathroom
5. No drinking & driving risks
6. The dogs get to be there
7. Comfy couch
8. No tipping required
9. Easier to tweet during the game
10. Unlikely to get drinks spilled on us
11. No waiting for overburdened wait staff (the cooler is next to the couch).
12. No drama with other party guests
13. Kids can go to their own room if they a bored.
14. Screaming loud at the TV will not annoy any strangers
15. Nobody will see how big of a wuss I am when I eat seriously spicy guacamole
16. Added excitement of avoiding a dog attack when you get carried away with your high-fives
17. The ability to switch to an HBO movie if the game gets one-sided
18. We can watch the game wearing whatever we want, which means wife doesn’t have to keep re-applying lip gloss.
19. Pre-game co-ed showers (in the privacy of the master bathroom of course).
20. Half-time cul-de-sac football game!

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Saturday, January 30, 2010 by Dana.

News bulletin… college kids are rowdy, and ASU is more rowdy than most.  Wait… that isn’t really news, is it?  On a particular slow news day, writers form the local PHX Metro rag took a few crime reports related to egg throwing (not cool) and wild parties (the norm?) to make it sound like there was something news-worthy to report… Here is the link, but you will want your 3 minutes back after you read it.

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Friday, January 1, 2010 by Dana.

Happy New Year! I’m awake at 7am on 1/1/2010 to make predictions.

1. My 1st nap of 2010 will occur today (1/1/2010).
2. My dogs will boycott making resolutions to behave better.
3. My car will get stolen forcing me to get a newer one that doesn’t need shocks, breaks, or general maintenance.  Wait… no… I sense that is just wishful thinking on my part.
4. I will put away Holiday decorations with a vow to get better ones for outside next year.  I will end up putting up the same crappy decorations after Thanksgiving, except 2 more strands of lights will quit working.
5. Based on straight party line voting, we will get a national health care system. Due to all the compromises, it will be so watered-down and confusing, that people will complain about it well into 2011. Republicans will still do nothing to reverse the damages caused by 8 years of the Bush administration.
6. My discontent for suburbia will make me search for a rural home with no neighbors within 300 yards. The kids will beg us to not move to the middle of nowhere, so I will still be blogging about Disturbia into 2011.
7. My middle child will hit a growth spurt around his 13th birthday in March and will be as tall as me by 2011.

Ok… Now for some real predictions

1. The Tempe woman that showed up in Miami without her 8-month old that was last seen in San Antonio will confess to killing her child after her boy is discovered in her abandoned vehicle.
2. A major earthquake will create a giant sinkhole in Mexico south of Yuma, AZ.  It will create a beautiful spring-filled lake that turns Yuma, AZ into a major tourist town.
3. Android-based phones will outnumber iPhones. Apple products will revert to a minor cult status for a few years until they wow us again with a new system using a holographic projection display and thought recognition for system input.

Posted in Crime, Desert, Technology, Holidays, kids, Suburbia, Pets, Neighbors, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »

Thursday, December 17, 2009 by Dana.

Both Karen and I grew up in rural areas where we had many chores to do. For Karen, growing on a working dairy and tobacco farm, the work was very extensive. Neither of us received a regular allowance for our efforts We were just expected to do our part.

As we raise our own 3 boys, we do not give them an allowance either. They certainly have less work to do living in Suburbia, but we do not give them any specific amount for doing the work around the house that they should be doing.

Our thinking is that we pay for our kids to be in various club sports, get various lessons, and give them money to attend social events.  If they want to earn any additional money, they can pet sit for neighbors or get a job (when they are old enough). Is this wrong? Should we be rewarding their hard work for a monetary sum?

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