Sunday, July 4, 2010 by Dana.

My wonderful wife, Karen, is on her (now annual) vacation to KY to visit her family with our 2 younger sons (Shade & Seth) and dogs.  She leaves me in Disturbia to hang out with my oldest son, Tyler.  Now that she has had a few visits, I can give you a basic story line of how her vacation goes before it happens.  This is how it generally works.

Days 1-2 – The Drive

Karen spends 2 grueling days driving long hours to get to KY as fast as is possible with 2 kids and large dogs.  During the drive out, there is a 50% chance of a getting a speeding ticket.  The highlights of the drive will include a photo of the youngest boy, Seth, with a dog asleep on his lap in the backseat and a story of how Shade got multiple semi’s to honk by giving the “honk your horn” gesture to the drivers.

Days 3-5 – The Joy of KY

For the first few days, everything is wonderful. The dogs are having fun running on the farm. The kids are enjoying the free range as well.  Basically, everyone is enjoying being loud, obnoxious, and generally free of neighbors 20 yards away behind the block wall.  There will be a couple complaints about family, but it is generally laughed off as no big deal.  We have a couple broken phone calls due to poor mobile phone service at the family farm, and the text messages are related to missing each other and wishing I had gone to KY with them.

Days 6-7 – This Got Old Quick

Just as Ben Franklin said, “Fish and visitors stink after three days.”  In this case, Karen, the kids, and the dogs are the stinky visitors.  During these days, politeness begins to break down, and Karen has an intoxicated moment of honesty where she realizes how much she really doesn’t enjoy the small town atmosphere.  She decides to just deal with everyone as best as possible because the kids are having such a great time.

Days 8-12 – Venture Out

In this middle part of the vacation, Karen focuses on getting off the farm to visit places she has missed such as King’s Island, Newport on the Levee, the baseball park, etc.  Also, Karen usually finds at least a couple different people to go out drinking with her (so she doesn’t have to drive). At least one of the drinking buddies will be someone she hasn’t been out with since high school or someone she met on-line.

Days 13-16 – Coming Out of Turn Four

By this time, Karen is very ready to return to Disturbia, Shade is bored with the farm, and Piper has bitten more than 3 family members or pets.  Karen’s family shows signs of fatigue trying to keep up with her, Shade, Seth, & the dogs.

Days 17-19 – The Return to Home Stretch

Karen has planned her departure details, ranted about family members via text messages, and got on-line to tweet or chat for the purpose of making fun of people that she used to go to high school with that are now big losers.  Shade has packed for the return trip, and Seth wants to move to KY. Seth has also slept in Karen’s bed every night even though he was too old for that 3 years ago.

Days 20-21 – Fast Drive Home

Karen sets out with the idea of taking a more leisure drive home, but she ends up making the trip back in 28 hours of driving over 2 days.  If she didn’t get a speeding ticket on the way out, there is a 100% chance she will get one on the way back.  Otherwise, it is a 50% chance of getting a ticket.

Posted in parents, vacation, travel, kids, Neighbors, Suburbia, Pets, Disturbed | Print | 1 Comment »

Friday, January 1, 2010 by Dana.

Happy New Year! I’m awake at 7am on 1/1/2010 to make predictions.

1. My 1st nap of 2010 will occur today (1/1/2010).
2. My dogs will boycott making resolutions to behave better.
3. My car will get stolen forcing me to get a newer one that doesn’t need shocks, breaks, or general maintenance.  Wait… no… I sense that is just wishful thinking on my part.
4. I will put away Holiday decorations with a vow to get better ones for outside next year.  I will end up putting up the same crappy decorations after Thanksgiving, except 2 more strands of lights will quit working.
5. Based on straight party line voting, we will get a national health care system. Due to all the compromises, it will be so watered-down and confusing, that people will complain about it well into 2011. Republicans will still do nothing to reverse the damages caused by 8 years of the Bush administration.
6. My discontent for suburbia will make me search for a rural home with no neighbors within 300 yards. The kids will beg us to not move to the middle of nowhere, so I will still be blogging about Disturbia into 2011.
7. My middle child will hit a growth spurt around his 13th birthday in March and will be as tall as me by 2011.

Ok… Now for some real predictions

1. The Tempe woman that showed up in Miami without her 8-month old that was last seen in San Antonio will confess to killing her child after her boy is discovered in her abandoned vehicle.
2. A major earthquake will create a giant sinkhole in Mexico south of Yuma, AZ.  It will create a beautiful spring-filled lake that turns Yuma, AZ into a major tourist town.
3. Android-based phones will outnumber iPhones. Apple products will revert to a minor cult status for a few years until they wow us again with a new system using a holographic projection display and thought recognition for system input.

Posted in Crime, Desert, Technology, Holidays, kids, Suburbia, Pets, Neighbors, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »

Friday, December 25, 2009 by Dana.

We get coyotes in our neighborhood from time to time. Our dogs sometimes wake us up at night barking at them from the upstairs window.  Lately there has been a new invasion… no, not Chihuahuas again.  It seems that javelinas (wild hogs) have been knocking over garbage cans and enjoying a feast of what they find.  See the local news story for details.   Any wild animal invasions in your neighborhood?

Posted in Neighbors, Suburbia, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »

Friday, December 4, 2009 by Dana.

This morning in the beautiful Disturbia of Ahwatukee, a man was arrested for terrorizing his neighbors with small explosives and pellet guns.  Remember the good old days when you would just let the air out your neighbors tires or leave him a flaming bag of dog pooh on his porch?  It’s a crazy, crazy world when you have to worry about a neighbor pipe bombing your SUV because your kid left a skateboard in his yard!  So come on people… even if you hate your neighbor, settle it with pranks not life threatening violence!  Be civilized, if it you have to be juvenile.

Posted in Crime, Weapons, Neighbors, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »

Sunday, November 22, 2009 by Dana.

My friends and I decided to take the boat out on the Lakewood pond to see how many strange hottubs we can sneak into. If you hear splashing in the backyard, don’t panic.

Posted in Neighbors, Suburbia, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 by Dana.

So these people (5 different homes) were dumb enough to let strangers into their house… do they deserve to be ripped off?

http://www.azcentral.com/community/ahwatukee/articles/2009/07/27/20090727tr-thefts0729.html

I grew up in a rural part of Ohio.  They keys were left in the cars, and we never locked the house when we left.  But this is not rural Ohio.  It is the 5th largest metro area in the country, with one of the highest unemployment rates in the country.  Don’t be so damn stupid to think desperate people won’t rob you blind when you turn your head.

Posted in Crime, Neighbors, Suburbia, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »

Thursday, June 4, 2009 by karen.

I grilled steaks last night from my favorite butcher shop in Chandler.  Shade had a friend over and they were setting up the tent to ‘camp’.  It was very fun for them.   The dogs were out with us completely enjoying the cool weather and playing.  When our dogs play, it consists of Piper and Lukas wrestling while JJ runs in circles around them barking.  JJ loves to bark.  Perhaps we are just immune to it.  When she really needs something, she jumps at us or whimpers.  I guess the neighbor isn’t immune to her barking yet.  I heart a man yell ’shut-up’ and I had to do a double-take.  I thought to myself, ‘are you talking to me?’.  Then I quieted JJ and heard the neighbor out in his backyard.  I am aware that a dog barking can be annoying…hell, I do get annoyed with it myself.  I took the ’shut-up’ comment very personal.  Seriously, you are my neighbor and you could very easily look over the fence to see if everything is alright or simply ask me to quiet my dog.  Yelling in your own backyard to ’shut-up’ my dog does absolutely nothing.  If the kids were playing loudly I am sure you would owe them that.  Yes, I just compared my kids to my dogs.

My dogs enjoyed their piece of steak.

Posted in kids, Neighbors, Pets | Print | No Comments »

Sunday, November 23, 2008 by karen.

No, I am  not talking about Dana. 

As a follow-up from the Halloween disturbance, we have been threatend  by the nieghbor regarding our so called ‘killer dog’, Lukas. 

Several weeks have passed since Halloween and Lukas has been mostly good.  He scratched Seth, again because Seth still hasn’t learned to not get in Lukas’ face.  On the flip side, Seth and Lukas do get along.  Seth is able to walk by him and even run past him without any chasing.  A huge improvement for both.

The particular neighbor has gotten herself  the Tahoe breed of disturbia, a yellow lab.   Very cute dog.  However, this means we may bump into each other at the dog park.  Here are the rules of the Phoenix dog parks. First off, I do not adhere to the rules myslef 100%. I have a deaf dog so he I can’t maintain voice control over him. haha. But, of course he is always in my site. I do take the 8yr old in with me at times. I prefer not to as he is still learning how to behave properly around dogs. I do however, put my dog on a leash if they become aggressive towards another dog or person.

My neighbor shows up at the park with her 6yr old daughter who we know is very scared of Lukas (as I would expect her to be based from Halloween). After about 15min, Lukas noticed her and ran towards the girl. The same kind of running he does when he sees a little dog he wants to play with. It is soooo unexplainable. He has been around kids but Seth and the neighbor’s little girls are the only ones he seems to act this way around. Seth has overcome it mostly. Lukas doesn’t act this way around the many other kids he comes in contact with. We keep a very close watch on him. His breed is not disturbia friendly but it is better than the alternative.

Most would say “get rid of him”, but it just isn’t that easy. My boys and husband would be crushed. I wouldn’t enjoy it, but due to livng in disturbia, we may loose him to animal control. The neighbor has said she will call animal control if he runs after her daughter again. (She feels humans come before animals. I chuckled to myself thinking ‘only some humans’.) Regardless if it is in the dog park. That is what gets under my skin. Of course, the dog park rules clearly read children under 12yrs old are not allowed in. For a very good reason too. When you can follow the rules, then you can call the authorities.

Upon leaving, I handed her a book, “How to Child-proof Your Dog”. It has a few chapters on how to teach your kids to behave around dogs. I firmly believe, that most bites are probably due to inappropriate behavior around dogs. (Not making excuses, but this shows many can be prevented) Unfortunaely, it is definitely a 2 way street. She is not willing to get her 6yr old less afraid of Lukas and teach her proper behavior but instead reinforces that feeling scared is ok since she has been ‘attacked’ by him. I asked her when she was attacked by Lukas and she said on Halloween. That is funny, she told me he didn’t bite her. I feel sorry for the girl.

Perhaps we have bitten off more than we can chew with him. He fits so well into our small pack. I actually think he is such a learning experience for my boys due to his imperfections and handicap.

Do I owe it to Lukas to send him back to the rescue organization? Or do I put the house up for sale?

Posted in Neighbors, Pets | Print | 1 Comment »

Thursday, September 11, 2008 by karen.

 We have trees.  Our neighbors have trees.  Trees are a grand thing!  They block our noise, sun and hide us from the neighbors.  Unfortunately, the only trees we have are citrus and palm.  These type of trees are beautiful and functional, but they do not provide as much shade as we would like. 

 Our neighbors to the west of us, who our neighbors are probably the best anyone could have living in disturbia, have a beautiful backyard that once had plush grass and is larger than ours.  They tore up the grass and installed desert landscaping leaving the trees.  One must understand having grass in the desert is a lot of work and even more work in disturbia when it must be manicured to appease the HOA and neighbors.    We are limited on owning equipment to maintain a yard due to space.  This causes many to hire landscapers or illegals to do the job for them.    I find it can be a could workout so we do most trimming ourselves.  Even when doing the work yourself, you have the issue of removing the excess.  Having only one large dumpster-like can to put it in can be a problem so having someone else do it and take it away is sometimes easier but can get expensive.  How do some afford a weekly landscaper?

One evening while Dana was polishing the Harley, our neighbor mentioned above, was outside and asked about her tree.  She was inquiring if her beautiful Mesquite tree bothered us.  I responded with an ecstatic ‘no’ stating I loved it.  It provides an excellent source of shade to our backyard in the late afternoons.  I explained it to her and she also commented on how it was growing over our FENCE.  I chuckled.  Do I look like a neighbor who cares if your wonderful shade is growing over my fence? I understand she is only doing her neighborly duty to ask, and I do appreciate it.  She even went on to say they were considering removing the tree to keep us happy.   I really got excited and pleaded her to NOT remove it.  We really do enjoy the tree and if they need assistance with the care of the tree, I would gladly help.  Maybe I should have mentioned, they are up in years and both work full time.  I also told her that when the branches got to be a nuisance  on my side, I simply clipped them and disposed of them properly.  Doing this sort of thing can be a huge no-no in disturbia.  The tree remains.

 A few nights later, we are at the local bar CK’s (again) and run into her son.  After a few drinks, he unpredictably turns to me and asks if their tree bothers us.  *sighs*  Wow!  I didn’t leave disturbia for a few hours to discuss your freaking tree! 

I LOVE THAT TREE.  

He too will make a fantastic neighbor someday!  His parents should be proud he is expresses such consideration. 

Posted in Neighbors, Suburbia | Print | No Comments »

Saturday, September 6, 2008 by Dana.

Agritopia… somebody’s “clever” idea of an agricultural utopia in the middle of Disturbia.  Agritopia is located in the city of Gilbert, which is a suburb of the Phoenix Metro area near where I live.  Since Gilbert was recently ranked in the top 30 of the best small cities to live, a concept like Agritopia is not a surprise.  The website states that “the Agritopia Project is an effort to design and build a neighborly community around an urban farm.”  While the website is very outdated, you get the idea… so… some quaint houses in a nice neighborhood of single family homes, right?

Well, enough about the homes… let’s talk about the agriculture. It turns out that some enterprising people started a farm inside one of the quaint houses.  However, this farm was raising a bumper crop of 800 marijuana plants with a street value of $2 million.  To heck with having a cool home theater system… this urban farm boasted $100,000 in indoor “farming” equipment.

What brought them down?  Neighbors smelled “gas” and alerted the officials.  So any strange smells in your neighborhood?

Posted in Drugs, Neighbors, Suburbia, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »