Saturday, September 6, 2008 by Dana.

Agritopia… somebody’s “clever” idea of an agricultural utopia in the middle of Disturbia.  Agritopia is located in the city of Gilbert, which is a suburb of the Phoenix Metro area near where I live.  Since Gilbert was recently ranked in the top 30 of the best small cities to live, a concept like Agritopia is not a surprise.  The website states that “the Agritopia Project is an effort to design and build a neighborly community around an urban farm.”  While the website is very outdated, you get the idea… so… some quaint houses in a nice neighborhood of single family homes, right?

Well, enough about the homes… let’s talk about the agriculture. It turns out that some enterprising people started a farm inside one of the quaint houses.  However, this farm was raising a bumper crop of 800 marijuana plants with a street value of $2 million.  To heck with having a cool home theater system… this urban farm boasted $100,000 in indoor “farming” equipment.

What brought them down?  Neighbors smelled “gas” and alerted the officials.  So any strange smells in your neighborhood?

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Wednesday, September 3, 2008 by Dana.

Here is the scenario… You are a 78 yr old, curmudgeon that carries a cane but does not need one.  You are walking one block to the shared mailbox location in your neighborhood.  Your neighbor arrives home on his Harley after a long day at work, and his 3 herding dogs come out to greet him with excited barks and much jumping.  While greeting their master, 2 of the dogs spot a rabbit in the shrubs of home across the cul-de-sac near the mailboxes. The dogs sprint for the rabbit, but don’t really notice you.  However, they may sense that you needless fear them, although you are not a sheep or cow.  The dogs bark at you from a distance, probably because they can tell that you are a nasty old curmudgeon.  Dogs have a great sense for people!  Your reaction… throw rocks at them and wave your cane at them in a menacing manner.

How do you expect the dogs to react?  Of course, the dogs respond to the aggression with a show of force, especially the alpha female.   Now, as the curmudgeon, are you telling yourself that you are an idiot for provoking the dogs that are still 15-20 meters away that had no interest in you in the first place?  No… because you are a curmudgeon.  You are so old that rational thought is nearly impossible.

An intelligent person would realize the dogs are more interested in the rabbit than you, and that their master is outside watching them to make sure they don’t go any further than they should.  An intelligent person would realize that barking is not an indication of an eminent attack.  An intelligent person would not throw rocks and threaten dogs with a cane in plain view of the dogs’ master.

Switching points of view… As the dogs’ master, I am watching the dogs do their usual daily chase of rabbits in the neighbor’s yard.  Then I see an old coot throwing rocks at my dogs and waving his cane at them as if to attack, even though they are 15-20 meters away.  I call the dogs to return, which they do immediately, and after they are in the house, I approach the old coot.  I told the old man that I was sorry if my dogs frightened him, and that they were just interested in the rabbit they were chasing.  I told him that if he does not want the dogs to bother him, he should not throw rocks at them or wave the cane at them.  I’m trying hard to be polite!

The old curmudgeon just can’t take advice, because he threatens my dogs and tells me that maybe he should bring a gun next time.  This is where the politeness ends, because nobody tells me to my face that they are going to shoot my dogs that are in the neighbors’ yard.  I step toward him and let him know that he should definitely bring a gun next time, because he would need one if he is going to make a death threat on my dogs.

Do you have an old curmudgeon in your neighborhood?  I hope I’m not like that when I get that age.  I’d rather be like Sean Connery or Harrison Ford… they don’t wave canes at dogs; they date sexy, younger women!

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Wednesday, August 27, 2008 by Dana.

I completely agree with the famous Ben Franklin quote… “Fish and visitors stink after three days.”  Apparently, stinking visitors can drive a man crazy, especially if they are in-laws.  Check out this story that appeared in The Arizona Republic today.

Poor Carlos Salazar (a “neighbor” in nearby Chandler, AZ) just wanted his in-laws to go home!  He probably wanted to sit on his couch in his boxer shorts and drink a beer, but the fridge had likely been emptied by his chain-smoking, beer-guzzling monster-in-law.  The sad part of the story was that he was arrested for cutting up his wife’s cheapa$$ bra.  It was probably already frayed, stained, and stinky anyway!  The story is funny and sad at the same time… if you add some gratuitous blood spurting and gore, you would have a scene from a Quentin Tarantino movie.

This is the kind of craziness that happens in Disturbia.  What’s next?  Getting arrested for $3.99 worth of criminal damaging for throwing a dish against the wall in anger over your wife maxing out the credit card for her pedicure?   What about getting hauled away for wiping your backside with the $72 autographed Brandon Webb baseball that your husband just bought instead of paying the utility bill?

Wouldn’t it make sense to fight real crime?  Let’s not arrest people for arguing until they start hitting each other!  And most important… if you are a visitor, you better mind your manners after 3 days… and don’t drink all your hosts’ booze!

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Tuesday, August 19, 2008 by Dana.

I could write all day about my neighbors, and I am using the term neighbor generously to include all the various people in this part of Disturbia that we know (not just the people that live within earshot).   I have many insights and observations to share about various aspects of their lives, so check in from time to time to see blogs about those observations and insights.

Someday a neighbor will come across this blog.  I am certainly not hiding it, and I don’t intend to sugar coat my postings; nonetheless, it is wise to consider the old adage that “people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”  So before I blog about my neighbors, it’s only fair that I disclose some details about me and my family, and consider what they might think about us.  I can’t say for sure if this is what they think of us, but I am probably not too far off the mark. 

What about you?  Do your neighbors have an accurate perception of you?  WWYNS?

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