Thursday, August 26, 2010 by karen.

School in disturbia is an entirely different experience than in a rural area. Besides the fact kids walk or are driven to school more than they ride the bus, the teaching techniques are a bit modern. I wish my youngest rode the bus, I think it would be good for him. Isn’t that where we learned most of our social skills, street smarts, etc…? The stuff that only the bus driver would allow? Good times! We’ve had a good start to the year with a 5th grader, 8th grader & 11th grader. No calls on the 5th grader and the 11th grader is finally involved in a physical activity requiring more than just a flick of the wrist….swim team!

Our 8th grader on the other hand has decided to make this year his best yet.  He is planning on trying out for the basketball team, baseball team, obtain better grades (if not A’s) and be in the school musical for the 3rd year.  You could also say he wants to have stud status since he likes having a ‘girlfriend’ which means, he texts her and can change his Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’. Way to go son!  I’ve already received a call from one of his disturbia teachers. The conversation was a bit like this:

T: Mrs. ****

M: Yes.

T: I’m calling you to discuss ****

M: OK

T: Do you know what a few of the boys were doing over the weekend?

M: Uh, well, yeah….but I guess not. What have they been doing?

T: It appears a few of the boys have been lighting themselves on fire by spraying Axe on their skin.

M: Oh yeah. (pause) I know. **** was very proud & showed me. It looked pretty cool.

T: (light gasp) So you know about this??

M: Yeah. He asked me if he could do it and was very persistent. I finally told him ‘ok’ he had to do it in front of me.

(Can you say white trash? “Hey mom, watch this!” sort of thing)

T: I think you should know one of the students has an infection and missed school yesterday.

M: Oh, Ok. Yeah, I know him.

T: This is a serious matter, Mrs. *****. Kids are getting hurt. He had an infection and had to miss school!

M: Ok.

(I got the feeling she doesn’t know what to say at this point.)

T: Do you watch Dr. Phil?

(What?!)

M: I know who he is and I’ve seen a few episodes. Why?

T: I think you and your family should watch him today. I feel you would benefit from him.

M: Ok, why? What is he having on his show today?

T: Dr. Phil is having a discussion about children lighting themselves on fire.

M: Ok, I will look into it.

Are you kidding me???  I’m sorry the boy got hurt, but guess what, he is my son’s best friend and I already spoke to his mom. She was there when my son showed us. What the teacher doesn’t realize is for my son, it’s a magic trick, not ’setting himself on fire’. We are talking about the boy who had a quarter removed from his esophagus when he was 10yrs old for attempting a ‘trick’. My friend was initially upset but now gets a kick out of the situation as she said it best “He’s such a dumb ass”.  

I did the typical mom thing.  I called my 13yr old and cursed at him for making me look bad.  He finally understood I wasn’t upset with him for doing the ‘trick’ but for discussing it at school. I informed him he cannot tell everyone the shit I let them do since many disturbia folks would call CPS on my ass. Trust me, I would have a field day with CPS.

After discussing this with a few people (my rural living sister included), I question if this is really a teacher’s duty? I think it’s a fine line. The ‘dumb ass’ act didn’t occur on school campus or during school hours. Ms. Disturbia Teacher, save your breathe for the incompetent parent or the truly abused child who needs you to step in.

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Sunday, July 4, 2010 by Dana.

My wonderful wife, Karen, is on her (now annual) vacation to KY to visit her family with our 2 younger sons (Shade & Seth) and dogs.  She leaves me in Disturbia to hang out with my oldest son, Tyler.  Now that she has had a few visits, I can give you a basic story line of how her vacation goes before it happens.  This is how it generally works.

Days 1-2 – The Drive

Karen spends 2 grueling days driving long hours to get to KY as fast as is possible with 2 kids and large dogs.  During the drive out, there is a 50% chance of a getting a speeding ticket.  The highlights of the drive will include a photo of the youngest boy, Seth, with a dog asleep on his lap in the backseat and a story of how Shade got multiple semi’s to honk by giving the “honk your horn” gesture to the drivers.

Days 3-5 – The Joy of KY

For the first few days, everything is wonderful. The dogs are having fun running on the farm. The kids are enjoying the free range as well.  Basically, everyone is enjoying being loud, obnoxious, and generally free of neighbors 20 yards away behind the block wall.  There will be a couple complaints about family, but it is generally laughed off as no big deal.  We have a couple broken phone calls due to poor mobile phone service at the family farm, and the text messages are related to missing each other and wishing I had gone to KY with them.

Days 6-7 – This Got Old Quick

Just as Ben Franklin said, “Fish and visitors stink after three days.”  In this case, Karen, the kids, and the dogs are the stinky visitors.  During these days, politeness begins to break down, and Karen has an intoxicated moment of honesty where she realizes how much she really doesn’t enjoy the small town atmosphere.  She decides to just deal with everyone as best as possible because the kids are having such a great time.

Days 8-12 – Venture Out

In this middle part of the vacation, Karen focuses on getting off the farm to visit places she has missed such as King’s Island, Newport on the Levee, the baseball park, etc.  Also, Karen usually finds at least a couple different people to go out drinking with her (so she doesn’t have to drive). At least one of the drinking buddies will be someone she hasn’t been out with since high school or someone she met on-line.

Days 13-16 – Coming Out of Turn Four

By this time, Karen is very ready to return to Disturbia, Shade is bored with the farm, and Piper has bitten more than 3 family members or pets.  Karen’s family shows signs of fatigue trying to keep up with her, Shade, Seth, & the dogs.

Days 17-19 – The Return to Home Stretch

Karen has planned her departure details, ranted about family members via text messages, and got on-line to tweet or chat for the purpose of making fun of people that she used to go to high school with that are now big losers.  Shade has packed for the return trip, and Seth wants to move to KY. Seth has also slept in Karen’s bed every night even though he was too old for that 3 years ago.

Days 20-21 – Fast Drive Home

Karen sets out with the idea of taking a more leisure drive home, but she ends up making the trip back in 28 hours of driving over 2 days.  If she didn’t get a speeding ticket on the way out, there is a 100% chance she will get one on the way back.  Otherwise, it is a 50% chance of getting a ticket.

Posted in parents, vacation, travel, kids, Neighbors, Suburbia, Pets, Disturbed | Print | 1 Comment »

Sunday, May 9, 2010 by Dana.

For Cinco de Mayo, there was a great celebration at Loco Patron in Ahwatukee.  They had a giant inflatable slide and dunk tank for the kids to play in outside while the adults watched the basketball game and/or socialized with Mexican brews and Margaritas.  That was a lot of fun, and we went back for even more fun.

Karen grabbed her bikini for the return to Loco Patron, and then volunteered for the dunk tank.  Given her condition, we can call it a drunk tank. Whatever we call it, she made $50 in 10 minutes ($1/throw), and they let her keep all of it… which covered our expenses for the night! You rock, Karen!

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Monday, March 8, 2010 by karen.

I just heard about a school in Denver that is rejecting a preschooler due to the fact the child has 2 moms.  http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/22769137/detail.html

I understand the catholic religion pretty well and while same-sex relationships are deemed inappropriate along with many other lifestyle choices, it just seems ridiculous.   I attended catholic school for 8yrs and was raised catholic continuing to attend mass into my mid 20’s.  I was married in the catholic church and had my children baptized.  I was also one of 3 sisters to become pregnant before marraige.  We were still accepted into the church and our children were accepted as well.  Even after a divorce, the church accepts you.  I remember attending school with kids who’s parents were divorced or going through a divorce but they were still able to attend the school.  I am confident there are lesbian/gay teachers in this country working at catholic schools but perhaps the demand for quality teachers is so high the church over looks them.  Where do they get off to simply choose who they are going to throw stones at?   I assume divorce is so common that it is simply accepted in the modern church.  How long until same sex marraiges/relationships are allowed in the catholic church?

Lesbian moms, why even bother to enroll your daughter at a catholic school?  You should know better.  Perhaps the education quality is the reason, but there are many other high-priced education facilities for your child to attend where you and she will be accepted. 

Posted in Sex, parents, school, kids | Print | No Comments »

Thursday, March 4, 2010 by karen.

Public school in Disturbia isn’t quite the same as in a rural area.   Modern school, itself isn’t the same as it was 15yrs ago. 

My 4th grader has racked up 24 tardies this year.  Many are to be blamed on myself, however, it shouldn’t be overlooked that regardless of who’s fault, that number is absolutely absurd!  Today would have been #25 but he just stayed home instead.  I believe I was ‘played’ by him.  I understand he didn’t feel well upon waking up most likely due to the abundance of sugar he consumed yesterday.  It has been determined he has a sensitivity to sugar and highly processed foods.  He was up way past his bed time due to having trouble sleeping from the sugar.  Congrats to him for baking the cake on his own and making the frosting from scratch.   Kudos to me for actually having all the ingredients in the kitchen! 

He informed me he wishes to be home-schooled again and questioned why everyone in school is so immature.  I chuckled as he is probably the most immature boy in his class but I quickly learned his view of immaturity is quite different than mine.

In AZ, the schools are required to submit the students to standardized testing known as AIMS.  His scores last year were good.  I want to see what his scores are this year before deciding to home-school again.  I suspect they will not be as good as last year’s.  I am weighing the pros and cons.    

My goal as a parent is to raise my children to be happy, self sufficient and successful in their future whatever that may be.  I do not measure success in dollars. 

Home-schooling isn’t just a way to ‘get by’.  He was learning more last year and retaining it. The AIMS scores proved it.  Home-schooling has a stigma but it is becoming more & more common due to resources making it easier. 

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Friday, February 12, 2010 by Dana.

How would you feel if your neighbor did this?

1. Don’t care
2. Angry and would let them know it
3. Report them to the HOA
4. Upset but pretend you don’t notice
5. Trip your shrubs like a breasts or a vagina
6. Excited about the traffic increase at your lemonade stand
7. Make a mental note to invite them to more pool parties

Note: You may pick more than 1 of the above.

Posted in Sex, parents, Suburbia, Disturbed | Print | 3 Comments »

Wednesday, February 10, 2010 by Dana.

During a business dinner tonight, a co-worker asked how my coaching activities were going.  I was telling him that my middle child was now on 2 teams, having made his 7^th grade team.  I coach his club team, and I was talking about how so many of the boys on our club team had made their school teams.  This was rewarding for me because the club team had been put together specifically to help get the boys ready for their school team tryouts.  My wife then chimed in with “You’ve coached all the boys that  made the school team, right?”.

I paused to think, and then I realized… yes, almost.  In fact, I have coached 12 of the 14 boys, and the other 2 I have coached against.  I also have coached for or against nearly all the 8^th grade boys and the 7^th and 8^th grade teams at neighboring schools.  It gives me a great sense of accomplishment to have been able to see these boys grow and develop in baseball and in life.  Youth baseball coaches don’t get paid, volunteer large amounts of time, and spend money out of their own pockets for gear… and we don’t ask for anything in return. We do it because we want to, and we do it because we like seeing the boys grow and improve because of our contribution.

If you are a youth sports coach, I tip my hat and extend my thanks to you for all that you do.

If you are a parent, let your coach know that he/she is appreciated. It means a lot to us.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 by Dana.

Both Karen and I grew up in rural areas where we had many chores to do. For Karen, growing on a working dairy and tobacco farm, the work was very extensive. Neither of us received a regular allowance for our efforts We were just expected to do our part.

As we raise our own 3 boys, we do not give them an allowance either. They certainly have less work to do living in Suburbia, but we do not give them any specific amount for doing the work around the house that they should be doing.

Our thinking is that we pay for our kids to be in various club sports, get various lessons, and give them money to attend social events.  If they want to earn any additional money, they can pet sit for neighbors or get a job (when they are old enough). Is this wrong? Should we be rewarding their hard work for a monetary sum?

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Friday, November 27, 2009 by Dana.

Like any normal set of siblings, they fight.  We have 3 boys, ages 9, 12 & 15.  Sometimes they get into heated arguments, and maybe a punch or 2 is thrown.  But the fights seldom last long.  When it comes to fighting with “friends”, those fights are usually short and mostly just shoving and verbal assaults.So when you see a news article like this one in AZ Central, you have to wonder what parental meltdown is going on here for things to escalate out of control.  We all need to teach kids how to have a thicker skin and stick to spreading bad rumors instead of stabbing the person that just kicked your ass in Guitar Hero.  Oh… and keep the alcohol and sharp objects away from your teen!

Posted in Weapons, Crime, Alcohol, parents, Suburbia, kids, Disturbed | Print | No Comments »

Thursday, November 26, 2009 by Dana.

What did our Thanksgiving Day include:

1. Wife gets up early to go get groceries for Thanksgiving Dinner.
2. Husband and 15 yr old son help put groceries away.
3. Husband & Wife argue over trivial water drips in the kitchen… was the final straw in the “get of my kitchen” bad mood act this morning.
4. Wife storms out of house to walk dogs to cool off.
5. Husband makes amends by chopping up parsley and celery.
6. Upon Wife’s return, Husband and 15 yr old son take 1 hour walk with dog to let wife cool off more.
7. Watching football.
8. 9 yr old son and 12 yr old son fighting over who gets to do what while setting the table.
9. Continued fighting over who stands where while setting the table.
10. 9 yr old makes drinks menus (Making drink menus) and refuses to let anyone read them until all sit.  Everyone gets their own drink instead.
11. Husband intervenes to make 9 yr old and 12 yr old sit in a timeout on the steps.
12. 15 yr old plays on the computer
13. 12 yr old plays guitar
14. 9 yr old plays on Xbox.
15. More watching of Football
16. Wife asks Husband if he is watching football still (it’s not even 1pm yet).
17. Husband helps wife prepare late lunch (when we eat our Turkey Meal)
18. 12 yr old makes mistake of having nothing to do in front of Wife, gets enlisted into making mashed potatoes
19. Husband watches more football. Then argues over going out at the last minute to get a pumpkin pie.
20. Husband goes to get pie.
21. Wife has feast ready… Wife removing delicious bird from oven
22. Family eats… 1 fight over who gets to talk to 12 yr old about his shopping plans.
23. 9 yr old starts fight over who get the wishbone.  Husband decides to not carve it out until of the bird until everyone forgets about it.
24. More football watching… Husband falls asleep on the couch.
25. Husband wakes up to 9 yr old screaming about fairness of game where the 12 yr old and his friend always win.
26. 9 yr old continues on tantrum for a little longer until Wife resolves it.
27. Wife gets off Facebook to sit next to Husband on the couch. Asks if football is over yet (during 4th quarter of game 2 of 3).
28. Wife asks Husband if he wants to go shopping (for nothing in particular)
29. More football watching
30. 9 yr old runs into house claiming someone hijacked the neighbors truck (neighbors are out of town).
31. Wife calls out of town neighbors to see if they were expecting someone to use their truck. Leaves message.
32. 9 yr old runs back in. Claims people are taking stuff out of the neighbors house.
33. Wife runs outside.
34. Husband keeps blogging… oops. I better get out there. brb
35. Husband receives call from neighbor with potentially hijacked truck. All good… truck is being borrowed by friends, and it turns out that the only things took from inside were cooking oil and serving dishes.
36. Wife and Husband window shop on-line after Husband realizes he doesn’t get the NFL network to watch game 3 of the day.
37. Wife takes remote control to watch chick movie on HBO.
38. Husband finishes blog post.

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