Sunday, April 25, 2010 by Dana.

The night at UFest was fantastic.  I managed to pace myself nicely with drinks and stuck with the vodka (instead of beer) so I didn’t get sleepy.  I also stayed well hydrated and drank one of those 5-hour energy drinks around 6:30pm.  About the only time I felt old was during the second to last song from Three Days Grace.  It was a cover of “In the Air Tonight”, which was originally released before all the 20-somethings around me were born (1981).

I also ran into several friends that also made me feel “not too old” to be there.  I think I am older than all of them, but having friends there made me feel like I did belong.  Final thought… I’m not too old for the Suburban Festival Concert. After all, if Danzig is one of the acts, there are probably many people older than me at the show.

Here are some photos from the event:

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Friday, April 23, 2010 by Dana.

Tomorrow my sexy wife and I are going to an all-day festival concert called UFest hosted by a local radio station, 98 KUPD. We also bought a pair of tickets for my 13 year old future rock star and his buddy.  As a 40 year old, these events test my endurance. We splurged on VIP tickets for me and the wife to get the comfort of shade, smaller lines, and nicer bathrooms.  Maybe I should dye my hair tonight so I don’t feel like such an old fart by the time the headline act takes the stage.  Hopefully I’ll get some more Silver Fox comments while I’m there to stroke my ego… but I’ll probably just hear “How do you get her?” in reference to my amazing wife.

I’ll be tweeting during the event until my battery dies. Hope I can find a place in the VIP area to charge my phone.  If not, I think I’ll take a small notepad to keep track of my observations and what I overheard so I can blog about it later.

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Sunday, March 7, 2010 by Dana.

Don’t stay at “historic” hotels if you want comfort, a nice bed, and a shower that does more than give you a warm water mist… and don’t eat the chef special because it just might be the nasty, old meat they are trying not to throw away.

Last night the wife and I drove up to Prescott from sunny Phoenix to party on historic Whiskey Row with our friend’s band. This time we decided to stay at the historic Hotel St. Michael just 2 doors down from the bar where our friend was playing.  We arrived around 8pm and checked-in to our 8’ x 10’ room with a view of the brick wall of the building next door.  We split the chef special at the hotel’s Bistro, washing it down with dirty vodka martinis.

We made it to Matt’s Saloon to have a drink with our friend’s band on their first set break. Over the 90 minutes, we danced and drank a little. Then at the start of the third set, the wife got sick.  Something came over her quickly, so we marched back to the hotel on the corner.  She fell asleep trying to make her tummy feel better, and I fell asleep next to her.  Then I developed the same stomach cramps with a bad headache sometime in the middle of the night.  We now think we both picked up some mild food poisoning from the meal we shared at the Bistro.  In the late morning, we rolled out of bed and hit the road after a quick shower.

The point of all this background information?  Now you know why you should not stay at “historic” hotels if you want comfort, a nice bed, and a shower that does more than give you a warm water mist… and don’t eat the chef special because it just might be the nasty, old meat they are trying not to throw away.

We’ll go back to staying at the Wyndham from now

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Tuesday, December 22, 2009 by Dana.

The Honey-Do List… that never ending list of chores that every
suburban husband has to do.

Here is my list.  How does it compare to yours?

1. Replace or re-attach clay roof tiles damaged in storm (from last
   Spring).
2. Fix water softener (Plan to use these instructions href="http://www.rd.com/how-to-repair-a-water-softener/article18197.html">http://www.rd.com/how-to-repair-a-water-softener/article18197.html)
3. Find leak in HVAC drain hidden in wall behind cabinets in the
   garage
4. Fix warped wood on hardware floors (probably going to put this
   off until we replace the flooring for entire downstairs)
5. Get a new basketball hoop for the pool
6. Repair tile with cracked grout in bathroom
7. Repair leaking lawn sprinklers in front yard (waiting until
   Spring when we start watering the yard again)
8. Replace faulty pool salt cell (ordered it from Specialty Pool
   Products http://www.poolproducts.com/
   - should arrive in a week)
9. Shock pool and brush algae that formed while the salt cell wasn’t
   working (order chemicals from Specialty Pool Products href="http://www.poolproducts.com/">http://www.poolproducts.com/-
   should arrive in a week)
10. Repair youngest son’s bike tire

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Sunday, November 29, 2009 by Dana.

Every year we look forward to the Ahwatukee Festival of Lights.  We usually go out just after lunch to walk through the row of craft vendor booths while the kids enjoy the carnival games or hang out with their friends.  As it grows later, wife and I head to the beer garden to mingle with friends and sneak drinks out of our flasks we smuggled in.  Around 6pm the parade of Harleys arrive (with Santa), and then we stay in the beer garden until forced to leave around 7pm.  We drag our kids home at that point, and then wife and I head out with friends for a night cap. But this year… the entire day was disappointing.

The weeks leading up to the Festival of Lights (FOL) were filled with newspaper articles about how they almost didn’t have enough funds raised to make it happen… and it showed.  We arrived to find that the Xmas tree silent auction was eliminated, and the crowd was significantly smaller (guessing ~20% less).  The beer garden that is usually standing room only had plenty of seats and small drink lines, and the friends that host a small gathering in their RV in the parking lot appeared to have left their RV sit idle.

To be fair, the weather wasn’t great, and it did end up raining around 4pm. However, the crowd was weak, and the disappointment had already set in long before the rains came.  The light rain drove all by the hardy beer garden attendees away.  A few brave ones toughed it out (some under the tables) to stay dry.

Eventually we left because our youngest child was not feeling well.  We grabbed him some cough medicine at the Walgreen’s and then had a quick bite to eat at Loco Patron before going home for the night.  We managed to have a good time because we make our own fun; however, we may have to re-evaluate attendee the FOL in the future.

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Friday, August 14, 2009 by Dana.

After breakfast with the boys on my Friday off, I drove 2 of them to school on my Harley (not at the same time of course).  They love arriving in style of course.  I think they would prefer that I pull up on the sidewalk in front of everyone, but I followed the rules and parked it in an open visitor spot to let them off.

Then I took the bike out for a photoshoot with the hottest, sexiest blonde! She wore stiletto platform heals, a mini skirt, and a corsette!  It was awesome!

…and I got a pic of me on the bike too!

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Sunday, April 26, 2009 by Dana.

It is a beautiful afternoon in suburban Phoenix.  It is in the mid-80’s, no humidity, and a light breeze is blowing.  I’m sitting on the shade under my porch, watching the kids play pool ping-pong.  I’m tweeting (a twitter thing) and blogging on my laptop, and the dogs are sitting up on the waterfall looking for joggers to bark at. 

Did I mention that my sexy wife is in her bikini, and she is giving me a pedicure?  I think all I need to top this off is a margarita.

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Friday, April 17, 2009 by karen.

I have been witnessing the affects of the economy.  I have 2 close friends who were laid off several months ago.  Both are still looking for employment, but fortunately one is doing lots of side jobs to make ends meet.  Many local business have also had to close up shop.  I have been shopping mostly at Walmart to save money ourselves but am beginning to rethink this practice.  I was also going to have a garage sale but am donating the items instead.

After going out to Tempe Market Place last Friday, I have taken a better look at our own disturbia, Ahwatukee.  Upon arriving to the first watering hole, we were told in order to get a table outside, we would have to pay $100.  Jokingly, I replied “yes, I heard you tell the customer on the phone 5 times”.  The hostess didn’t think it was funny. I was simply commenting on how frustrating it must have been for her to have to repeat the same thing 4 times.  I was on her side.  We left to go to the less busy bar.  Ok, so we had to wait several minutes before even being greeted by the bartender.  Then when she finally did greet us, she wasn’t cordial.  No smile or ‘Hi, how are you guys?’    A simple, ‘What can I get you?’ was all.  I looked at Dana and questioned why we left our neighborhood to get treated like crap.  Ahwatukee has a small town feel and we get treated well at the local establishments.  Think Cheers.  They all know us or at-least recognize us.  CK’s even has our drinks ready when they see us walk in.

Does staying local help our economy?   I think it does, and we’ll do business more in our own slice of disturbia.

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Friday, September 12, 2008 by Dana.

Last weekend in northeast Phoenix, a backyard wrestling operation was shutdown.  In Disturbia, a young entrepreneur turned a fake sport into backyard entertainment for teenagers and others without a meaningful social life.  While the applesauce wrestling sounds cool, we really don’t know what these ladies looked like.  If they will do backyard applesauce wrestling for little or no compensation, they have to be rejects from a local gentlemen’s club. The most amazing aspect of the story is that it included alcohol, teenagers, and handguns yet there were no incidents of violence reported.

Now… what is most disturbing?  I think it is the neighbor on the ladder looking over the fence.  Was he checking out the applesauce wrestlers on the night his wife had Bunko?  What do you think is most disturbing about the story?  Any applesauce wrestling in your neighborhood?

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Sunday, August 24, 2008 by karen.

I have been referred to as a MILF for quite sometime now.  While I am always flattered as any person usually is when complimented, sometimes I am annoyed. Does it reduce respect for me as a mom? Am I not considered a ‘good’ mom because of my appearance or lifestyle choices?

The term may have been around for much longer (was it used in The Graduate?), but for my generation it rose to fame from the actress Jennifer Coolidge in the 1999 movie American Pie.  “Stifler’s mom”  quickly became a metaphor for MILF.  Attractive mom’s began hearing this word.  How do you explain the meaning without offending them?  And let’s face it, MILF can be extremely offensive.   Stifler’s mom wasn’t seen as much in the movie as the main characters, but her presence was outstanding and very integral to the movie. In my opinion, she portrayed the modern MILF to a T.

I am 2007 98 KUPD’s MILF winner.   I am not sure if I deserved to be a MILF.  Shouldn’t a MILF be older than 32?   I have a teenager who understands the term and a pre-teen who definitely understands.  I have overheard their friends, commenting on my looks.  Though, I have not heard any of them use the acronym MILF  (probably for fear of getting into trouble).  Unlike Stifler’s mom, I don’t have boy’s old enough or having sex. 

While ‘competing’ for the title of MILF for the radio station, I encountered mom’s of babies and toddlers who were younger than I.  I argued in my head if they are old enough to be MILF’s.  Obviously, they are mothers, attractive, and are desired by many BUT,  their children weren’t old enough to even know how lucky they are to have these women as their mothers.  I decided that these women, while different, expressed a certain personality trait to be a MILF (more than just good looks).  They have confidence, which is defined in several ways.  I like this one:   belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.   The contest can be extremely intimidating for a woman who has the battlewounds from pregnancy.  Our hips have widened, stomachs may not have bounced back, our butts are softer, breasts have gotten saggy (or bigger), stretch marks, veins and for some a C-section scar which they feel must be covered/hidden.  Some of us there have had some ‘work’ done to hide some of the battlewounds or fix them.   We all had our reasons, but no one did it to be a MILF. 

This weekend, many of the contestants were asked to promote a MILF calendar at a local casino.  I hesitated to go when I woke up Saturday even though I committed a month before.  I was nervous.  Again, intimidated by these other MILF’s who were newer/younger mother’s than I.  I questioned if I was too old to be doing something like this.  I thought I would be the oldest one there at 32yrs old.  I was aware of 1 MILF who was close to my age, but not sure how close.    I procrastinated getting there hoping something with the kids would come up so I would be forced to cancel.  I even started my youngest on a spelling review expecting him to get upset and make Dana get upset so I would ’have’ to stay home to do it myself.  It obviously didn’t work and he continued to do more school work by choice.  

 I arrived almost 2 hours later than when we were wanted to be there.  I felt pretty good about my appearance.  I have been working out again and watching my diet more closely.  But again, these other MILF’s are models.  Many are pursuing modeling and/or acting, discussing the photographers and agencies they use and appear to be accustomed to working events like this.   I am walking to the entrance of the casino not really knowing what to expect.  All I was told was we would be doing a signing of the calendars and mingle.  Those who wanted to participate in the ’strip’ poker game had already volunteered.  I had agreed to this. 

Because I was tardy, I entered through the front door of the casino to greet a line of people.  Mostly men.  I was directed by a worker as to were to go.  Which, of course, was ‘follow that line of people’.  Now, I know us MILF’s were supposedly a draw to get people to the casino for a poker tournament, but what was this line exactly for?  As I walked confidently along the line of ‘mostly men’, I heard whispers and the typical “daaaamn!’.  (I always roll my eyes when I hear that..with my head turn, of course)  I assume it is my size dd breasts but I like ‘em. :)  I turn the corner to see a long table with 9 beautiful MILFs seated with Sharpies in hand and permanent smiles.   I was shocked.  Were these ‘mostly men’ seriously waiting this long to meet us and receive our signature?  Ok, time to put my game face on.  I find the MILF I know the best and am certain remembers me.  She genuinely smiles at me and is truly excited to see me.  My heart slows down instantly.  I am given a chair almost immediately as if the word got out that I had entered the building.   The 2006 MILF scooted her chair to make room.  I joined the MILF’s with a permanent smile which was surprisingly genuine.   We brought many smiles to the guests in line just by being there.  Was it all just because they want to have sexual relations with us or did they have a certain respect for us?  Or was it  because they had already a few too many?  I really don’t mind the reason.  It was fun for me and obviously for them or they wouldn’t have been there.  Some ‘mostly men’ got in line again to get the May MILF’s signature, which was me.

I asked some of the other MILF’s if they were going to do the ’strip poker’  None of us were too excited for it.  I had come prepared with a couple of bikinis, after all I did agree to do it.  The dreadful announcement came for the MILF’s participating in the game to come to the table.  I had already put my bikini on under my clothes but remained hesitant.  Clearly I am not getting naked, but still it was scary.   Will I lose respect for doing this?  Will some jerk take a picture with his phone and put it on THAT website to focus on my imperfections?  Standing near the table, I saw only 2 MILF’s seated.   It turns out, the casino was pretty upset that only 2  MILF’s were sitting at the table and the manager on duty was pushing the radio station to get more MILFs.  The radio station workers appeared to be in a pickle.  On one side, they respect ‘their MILF’s’ and don’t feel comfortable pushing us to play strip poker.  On the other side, it did appear that they made a commitment to the casino to provide MILF’s for strip poker.  It got very quiet and the remaining MILF’s tried to avoid making eye contact to the radio station or the casino manager on stage.  I knew the MILF’s standing with me on the side didn’t have any bikini’s on to play and we had already stalled too long.  Reluctantly, I walked to the table to play.  I would be stripping to the very same bikini I wear to the public pool with my kids. 

I am part of the ’MILF community’ and receive it as a compliment.   I enjoy motherhood, feeling sexy, and am self-confident.  I am a MILF. 

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